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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26410672">Before We Went Over The Slick Rock</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autumnweebs/pseuds/Autumnweebs'>Autumnweebs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The slickrockverse [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>(여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dramedy, F/F, Relationship tags will updated once more chapters are added</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:14:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>28,766</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26410672</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autumnweebs/pseuds/Autumnweebs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonus chapters, inspired by OTSR!</p>
<p>The retelling of the past events that transpired before what takes place in, Over The Slick Rock.</p>
<p>Follow our colorful cast of characters as they simply go about their daily lives.</p>
<p>(Which includes, but isn't limited to, hormonal teenage girls, overly romantic wives, flithy rich farmers, the crazed, but loveable, elderly, and cute nursing home aids.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hwang Miyoung | Tiffany/Jung Sooyeon | Jessica, Park Chaeyoung | Rosé/Park Jiwon (fromis_9)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The slickrockverse [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919530</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Before We Went Over The Slick Rock</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi everyone! I'm back with this lengthy little piece for ya! I apologize for the long waiting periods for chapters to be released. I know no one likes excuses. But please understand that I work full time, and have things outside of writing. Plus some trying times have been going on in my life right now so I haven't spent as much time writing as I did before. Originally I was supposed to update OTSR as well to go along with this piece, but unfortunately that chapter still needs work. I hope this keeps you guys full enough until I'm able to get that new chapter finish. ALRIGHT I'LL STOP TALKING NOW-</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The ever present heat from Southern California's weather fans across the school’s front parking lot, and weighs down on the cluster of high school students, who are impatiently waiting for transportation for this year's end of the year field trip.</p>
<p>Among the various teenagers scattered outside is Jiwon and her tight knitted group of friends.</p>
<p>Currently, Jiwon is shifting away from a fellow classmate, who terribly reeks of body odor. She lightly bumps into her tall tree-like friend next to her, who is completely immerse with some game app on her own phone. While Yeri and Seungeun play ultimate ninja in the background.</p>
<p>Yeri is crouched down low to the floor, in what one could assume is her best stance at a karate pose, looking rather pissed. While Seungeun stands above her, smiling smugly.</p>
<p>Yeri attempts to uppercut her friend but Seungeun dodges easily before using that slow momentum to chop down at Yeri, hitting the end of her fingertips, thus winning.</p>
<p>Seungeun giggles maniacally while jumping around in circles, that being for the fifth time in a row since the two have started playing. Yeri whines angrily.   </p>
<p>“How do you keep winning?!?!” She nearly yells, her chest heaving profusely.</p>
<p>Seungeun stops bouncing around to look Yeri dead in the eyes. “Because mama didn’t raise no loser.” She says seriously, flipping her long, freshly dyed, cherry red hair over her shoulders.</p>
<p>“I still can’t believe your mom let you dye your hair that color.” Yeri says, dismissing Seungeun's comment as she stares at her friend's beautiful set of hair. (Yeri feels like the odd one in when it comes to appearances in the group. Jiwon, Yoohyeon, and now Seungeun, rocked various of hair colors ever since she’s known them. And unfortunately for her, she’s always kept the same old straight black hair. She once asked her mom if she could dye it blonde. Her mom had told her she could once she turns twenty-five.)</p>
<p>While there was no dress code at 4Colors academy, nor was dyed hair prohibited, Seungeun’s mom, being the principal, had a certain image she upheld at the school. One she wished her daughter would hold to as well.</p>
<p>So when Seungeun showed up on site with her hair dyed such a loud color everyone, mostly her friends, had been shocked to see it. </p>
<p>“Honestly if it wasn’t for mom telling her she was going to let me do it. She wouldn’t have allowed it.” Seungeun tells, casually playing with the ends of her own hair.</p>
<p>“God bless mama Chungha.” Yeri says, playfully bowing her head in a silent prayer, which Seungeun copies.</p>
<p>Suddenly a strangled gasp for air emits from Yeri, in which all her friends look over to her, clearly concerned, before seeing a doe-like expression glaze over her face.</p>
<p>“Though If God has blessed anyone his favoritism really shows on Mrs. Jung.” Yeri says breathlessly, her eyes shining with admiration as she stares ahead.</p>
<p>Jiwon, who was resting her chin on Yoohyeon’s shoulder and watching her play on her phone, feels her heart spike up in her chest.</p>
<p><em> There’s no way she’s here. Did she actually come? </em>Jiwon’s thoughts run rampant as she backs away from Yoohyeon in order to see through the crowd of teenagers. She scans the area directly ahead, looking/hoping to see a certain mother of hers.</p>
<p>The feeling of Jiwon’s heart plummeting from a thousand feet high, and crashing painfully against her stomach is so powerful it knocks the air right out of her. But not because she sees the mother she was hoping for. Instead it’s Tiffany who is making her way over towards principal Yiyeon on the other end of the parking lot.</p>
<p>What little hope Jiwon once carried, slips through her fingers and disappears once she closes her eyes.</p>
<p>
  <em>I should’ve known better then to think- </em>
</p>
<p>Each unfulfilled promise, every, <em> “I will next time, okay?” </em>racks against Jiwon’s body which aches painfully with a longing for someone--who at times was only an arm’s length away. Her heart twists, and twists--wringing out every birthday her mother’s ever missed, every Christmas, Easter, and other life events that she’s held close to her heart.</p>
<p>And when whatever force it is that’s causing her to feel this way decides to not show her any mercy--ripping her in half at the thought of, <em> “All you had to do was be there for me.” </em></p>
<p>The corner of her eyes then burn and her throat aches.</p>
<p>The pain Jiwon feels, undeniable. But the want-<em>need </em> for her mother, denied at every chance. </p>
<p>
  <em> Don’t cry. Not here. Not now. Not for her. </em>
</p>
<p>She has to bite her tongue to stop herself from crying before masking her pain with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.</p>
<p>It’s nothing new for her, foolishly does she parade around in skin that doesn’t quite feel like her own.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Tiffany looks down at her phone, checking the time. <em>The buses should be here any minute now, where is she? </em> She internally asks herself <em> . </em> She swipes across her phone screen to unlock her phone before tapping on a familiar contact ID, quickly tapping away a message-</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Fany</b>
</p>
<p>|Where are you?|</p>
<p>[Delivered] </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tiffany waits a moment, hoping that the response on the other end would come instantaneously. But when it doesn’t, not even a minute after, she sighs loudly.</p>
<p>“Is something wrong?”</p>
<p>Tiffany looks up from her device before looking at the principal of 4Colors academy, whose eyes were concealed behind thick black sunglasses.</p>
<p>Tiffany tries her best to muster up the, <em> “I’m perfectly fine!” </em>smile, but it falls short, looking somewhat strained as she pockets her phone with another sigh. “Would you believe me if I say no?”</p>
<p>“No, I wouldn’t. But our professional lives require us to be fine, don’t they?” Yiyeon questions sarcastically, a bitter chuckle escaping her throat.</p>
<p>“I guess.” Tiffany replies halfheartedly.</p>
<p>“But.” Yiyeon starts, sliding her sunglasses back onto the top of her head, revealing her clearly tired eyes and dark bags underneath them--from lack of sleep no doubt.</p>
<p>“As not only your boss…..but as your friend I’m inclined to ask you what’s wrong?” The principal questions gently, there's a certain softness that suddenly overtakes her features.</p>
<p>Even after all these years of working together, and years of being friends ever since their respective daughters became such, Tiffany can only count on one hand how many times she’s seen Yiyeon look that way.  </p>
<p>She stares at the other woman, who by all means reminded her of Jessica. Both of them had this cold front, but once people got past that they'd see those two were really the biggest softies around.</p>
<p>A sad smile tugs at the corner of Tiffany lips. “It’s Jessica….She promised Megan she’d help chaperone today so that they could spend a little time together. But she’s not here, and she isn’t responding to my-” Tiffany’s sentence dies on her lips. It felt so foreign to talk about her wife, nonetheless their problems. Normally she would have never brought it up, but she had felt a bit vulnerable due to the uncharacteristic softness from her colleague/friend.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Tiffany sighs while bringing her hand to rest on her forehead as she tries to regain her composure.    </p>
<p>“You don’t have to apologize to me. I understand.” Yiyeon reassures her, smiling a tight lip smile while her eyes flicker apologetically.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Tiffany’s voice is small as the words trail off of her lips. But Yiyeon hears her just fine, nodding her head in a silent manner that can only be read as, <em> “I got you.” </em></p>
<p>“So what’s up with you today?” Tiffany suddenly asks, feeling nosy as to why her colleague looks worse for wear, and no longer wanting to feel pity by her.</p>
<p>“I stayed up rather late last night watching movies with Chungha and Seungeun. I told Seungeun, a week or so back, that I wanted to watch those superhero movies she likes with her. So since I didn’t want to keep her waiting any longer, I decided last night was as good as ever.” Yiyeon admits sheepishly.</p>
<p>“That’s sweet.” Tiffany smiles, despite feeling a tingle of pain in her heart. </p>
<p>For how she wishes Jessica could live up to that same small expectation.</p>
<p>Tiffany can't even remember the last time they did anything as a family in recent years. With Jessica being so engrossed with work it seemed like asking her for a minute of her time would surely be borrowed.</p>
<p>And that realization is alarming if not sad.</p>
<p>Because it never used to be that way.</p>
<p>There once was a time where work didn’t always steal her wife away, back when Jessica was a just a humble fashion designer working at a small branch before obtaining the success she has now. Tiffany can still remember Jessica drawing out sketches of clothing on the living room floor as their three year old daughter sat between her wife’s legs, staring up at Jessica with an immeasurable amount of love in her eyes.</p>
<p>If only Jiwon still looked at her the same way, but even then would Jessica notice?</p>
<p>The musical teacher has to literally force herself to stop thinking about it. Because god knows she’ll start crying right now, and right here if she doesn’t stop herself.</p>
<p>And truthfully there's a small part of her--that part being her everlasting perfect housewife and happy family image, that refuses to allow her to fully acknowledge that maybe things aren't as perfect as she'd like them to be.</p>
<p>Tiffany becomes aware of her surroundings once again, turning around slightly to look towards the crowd of teenagers, who are currently chatting up the whole parking lot. Some are even filming random Tik Toks as they wait for the buses that r<em>eally should be here any minute now… </em></p>
<p>As if on cue four deluxe charter buses proceed to turn the corner, entering the parking lot. (Jessica’s yearly exorbitant donations to the school help ensure that the students of 4Colors academy get only the best.) </p>
<p>Cheering and loud excessive yelling fills the parking lot. Yiyeon winces at the loud volume of the teenager’s voices before slowly rubbing circles across her temples.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Tiffany’s phone chimes from her pocket. Though surprised, she's quick to check her phone. The anticipation, of reading what she assumes is her wife’s text, is strong within her, causing her hands to slightly shake as she fumbles to unlock her phone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Jessi</b>
</p>
<p>|My meeting is lasting longer than expected. I won’t be able to make it this time.|</p>
<p>[Seen]</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tiffany’s heart sinks to her stomach. She feels sick with disappointment as she stares at the message longer than necessarily, her entire demeanor crestfallen.</p>
<p>She slowly taps away a reply, each letter she presses brands a new kind of pain inside her heart.   </p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Fany</b>
</p>
<p>|You promised.|</p>
<p>[Seen]</p>
<p>
  <b>Jessi</b>
</p>
<p>|I know. I’m sorry baby, I really am.|</p>
<p>[Seen]</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p><em> Really? </em> Tiffany thinks bitterly, almost chuckling. While she had been hurt and upset by her wife’s words, and honestly--her lack of actions. She can’t help but to feel irritated, her body begins to heat up and her facial features shift into a scowl as she quickly taps-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>|I’m not the one you should be apologizing to. Nor will I be the one telling our daughter that you broke your promise yet again.|</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tiffany doesn’t send that text.</p>
<p>Instead she eases it, choosing to watch what she says--gifting Jessica the peace of not knowing how she shattered not only her hopes, but their beloved daughter as well.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Fany</b>
</p>
<p>|I gtg the buses are here. I’ll ttyl|</p>
<p>[Seen]</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>It’s a petty response. Tiffany knows that, but she can’t find it in herself to give Jessica more than that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Jessi</b>
</p>
<p>|Ok. I love you.| </p>
<p>[<b>Seen </b>Thu at 9:27 AM]</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tiffany stares blankly at the message, her lips drop to a heartbreaking frown as she pockets her cellphone with a little less strength left in her. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Jessi</b>
</p>
<p>|Tiffany…|</p>
<p>[Delivered]</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>Shortly after, the students of the sophomore classes are segregated into four groups, each having enough teenagers to fill the four buses.</p>
<p>Jiwon, Yoohyeon, and Yeri rush to get inside of the bus, furthest on the end. While Seungeun gets dragged away by her less scarier mom, so that they could sit together on one of the buses.</p>
<p>(Chungha always made sure to help out her wife at events or activities going on at the school when she could. Plus it allowed her to spend more time with their daughter, which she'd never pass up on the chance to.)    </p>
<p>Jiwon can’t help but to feel a sting of jealousy as she watches from the bus’s window. Seungeun is laughing at something her mom said, causing Chungha to look at her like she’s the most precious thing in the world.</p>
<p>Jiwon tries to remember a time where Jessica had looked at her that way, desperately clawing for a memory locked away inside her mind, but all she can see is pictures and scenarios that were created from her own overly imaginative mind.</p>
<p>She wishes that Jessica could be like Seunguen's mom. Maybe if her mom was more like Chungua she'd try harder--she'd <em>want </em>nothing more than to spend time with her, as a mother should with their daughter.</p>
<p>Jiwon figures that Jessica must've lost that memo--probably even threw it away.</p>
<p>The teenager has to remind herself not to cry again before wondering if they’ll ever be a time where she won’t need to remind herself.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon’s shoulders brush against Jiwon’s own as she gets settled in their seat. Just seconds after Yeri is slipping over the seat in front of the pair, sliding uncomfortably/awkwardly between the two.</p>
<p>“Yeri what the hell?” Yoohyeon asks before looking around to see if anyone witnessed that. Yeri hadn’t been exactly subtle about it.</p>
<p><em> “Shut uppp.” </em> Yeri hisses before adding, “I think the driver’s fucking blind or something. He won’t even be able to tell I’m here. I’m not sitting next to fucking <em> Body Odor </em>for the whole ride.”</p>
<p>Jiwon opens her mouth to make a smart-ass comment, but the words die in her mouth once Doyeon, Minji, and Rosé enter the bus.</p>
<p>Their airy laughter fills the entire bus, and their alluring presence captives everyone. Even the bus driver watches them from the rear-view mirror, watching as they make their way to the back of the bus.</p>
<p>Jiwon holds her breath as each girl passes by with Doyeon leading, Minji in the middle, and Rosé at last. </p>
<p>Jiwon eye’s linger on Rosé the whole time, waiting and watching for the slightest sign that the other girl might give.</p>
<p>When Rosé doesn’t even look Jiwon’s way or acknowledge her presence in the slightest, it opens another wound in her already damaged heart.</p>
<p><em> Why are you doing this? </em> Jiwon questions within the safety of her own thoughts. God forbid she ask the girl herself, no matter how much she's been practically dying to.</p>
<p>Just three weeks ago Rosé and her were girlfriends, and had been for the last few months leading up to the end of their sophomore year. Everything had been fine-no <em>perfect</em>, like it always had been. Jiwon, Yeri, Yoohyeon, Seungeun, and Rosé living life, and taking on the battles of 4Colors academy like they were meant to do.</p>
<p>But then it all changed.</p>
<p>Rosé had shifted the entirety of Jiwon’s life, even Jiwon’s friends' lives, who at once point in time were also Rosé’s friends too, without a second thought.</p>
<p>As if their years worth of friendship was easily forgettable if not replaceable.</p>
<p>However, the replaceable bit was apparent enough. Rosé practically attached herself onto Doyeon right after the breakup, and the abandoning of her real friends.</p>
<p>And none of it made sense.</p>
<p>Though if one thing was clear.</p>
<p>Rosé had left Jiwon to pick up the pieces of her own shattered heart in the rubble she abandoned her in.     </p>
<p>Yoohyeon and Yeri noticed the sad expression on their friend’s face. Both the girls share a sad knowing look. Truthfully they didn’t know if they should say something or not. Rosé and Jiwon's breakup was still fresh, and the details surrounding it wasn’t ideal.</p>
<p>(The said breakup happened over a text message. What followed after was Rosé ghosting all of them on every social media platform available.)</p>
<p>Yeah, Yoohyeon, Yeri, and even Seungeun lost a friend. But Jiwon lost more than that, and no endless amount of sorries, or “<em>we understand” </em> could ever make up for that.</p>
<p>And even though Yeri knows it's safer to not say anything, her ever-present willful nature get’s the better of her. “I don’t know what she fucking sees in hanging out with Doyeon.” She seethes, seconds after Yoohyeon is ramming her hard in the ribs with the end of her elbow.</p>
<p>Yeri yelps before rubbing her side while glaring at Yoohyeon, who is returning the look.</p>
<p>“Neither do I.” Jiwon whispers, the corner of her lips tugging into a frown as she stares blankly at the seat in front of her, eyes as distant as stars.</p>
<p>Yeri and Yoohyeon look over to her before both of their shoulders fall in defeat as they stare at their clearly broken friend.</p>
<p>What else could they say at this point?</p>
<p>The group allow silence to wash over them, but it’s very short lived.</p>
<p>Because a certain ditzy blonde is shuffling around in the sit directly behind them before suddenly hanging half her body over their seat, causing all the girls to jump.</p>
<p>“Yoohyeon, you look like you’re a bit cramped in there. But luckily, I have like, this empty spot next to me that you can totally sit in. Like, totally free of charge.” Minji chimes happily, patting the--indeed, empty spot next to her.</p>
<p>Yeri’s brain is currently malfunctioning trying to understand any of the words that just left Minji’s mouth. Meanwhile Yoohyeon is blushing up a storm and fumbling for a response.</p>
<p>Luckily, Yeri’s got her covered. “Listen, Cher.” Yeri starts sarcastically, referring to Minji as the girl from Clueless. Which made sense because Minji was clothed in a plaid yellow outfit that matched the one from the movie to a T.</p>
<p>Despite being airheaded sometimes, that girl knew how to perfectly coordinate her wardrobe. It was really impressive.</p>
<p>Minji giggles before saying, “My name is actually-”</p>
<p>Yeri quickly cuts her off, “I’m sure your intentions with my friend are pure and all. But Yoohyeon isn’t picking up what you’re throwing down. So she's going to sit right here, okay? Maybe, I don’t know….You could go sit back there with your friends.” she says, because it really isn’t a question.</p>
<p>“But Yoohyeonie was supposed to help me come up with povs for Tik Tok” Minji pouts, looking over to Yoohyeon with the biggest puppy dog eyes the group has ever seen.</p>
<p>“Yoohyeonie? Tik tok?” Blinks Yeri, nonplussed.</p>
<p>“Yeah! I actually came up with a great idea for one the other day!” Minji starts, before cutting herself off to form a dead serious expression--which is unnerving to say the least. “Pov, you’re the ghost that hides away in my closet, watching a nine year old me make my barbies kiss without their clothes on.” She finishes, pausing for only a second before smiling happily again. </p>
<p>The group of girls can only stare back at Minji, their minds full of questions.</p>
<p>Yeri leans over to Jiwon, trying her best to be discreet about it, but her widened eyes tell otherwise. <em> “What the fuck?” </em> She whispers while still staring directly at Minji. </p>
<p>Jiwon who was utterly dumbfounded, wills herself to form some sort of response that Minji was clearly waiting for. “What made you choose the point of view from a ghost’s perspective?” She decides to ask the most mildest question out of them all.</p>
<p>Minji smiles even wider, thrilled that someone<em> FINALLY </em>asked. “I lowkey got the inspiration from the ghost that follows me around.” She proudly informs them. </p>
<p>“What?!?!” All three girls ask in baffled unison.</p>
<p>“Yeah, so, like, I went to this shrink a few months back, and he told me that this ghost of a little girl follows me around.” She pauses, before the three girls can fully process everything she just told them she speaks again, “I find her comforting. Like lavender, or babies laughter, OR whenever I eat a McDonalds apple pie at 2am.” She finishes whimsically. </p>
<p>Jiwon’s brain feels heavy trying to process everything that Minji had just said. “I don’t know wha-” She tries, but her brain temporarily shuts down.</p>
<p>Luckily, Minji is none the wiser.</p>
<p>But yet she takes the girls’ puzzled silence as ignoring her. Her usually happy-go-lucky demeanor falters. She looks as if someone had just blown out her birthday candles or something. With a huge jutted pout and even bigger puppy dog eyes, she looks over towards Yoohyeon, who only flat-lines more once she sees the look on the other girl's face.</p>
<p>“You’ll still help me, right?” Minji asks, her voice sounding small.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon wants to cave in right then and there to the girl’s wants. But between the curious looks on Jiwon’s face and Yeri's, who would never let her live this down, Yoohyeon decides that it’s best to wait this one out.  </p>
<p>“I will later, Minji. I promise.”</p>
<p>Yeri looks over at Yoohyeon, eyes filled with disgust. It made her sick that her friend was going to willingly help make a Tik Tok, and for a girl’s attention no less.</p>
<p>Truly that was deplorable gay behavior.</p>
<p>Seconds later Minji is letting out this ear piercing pterodactyl squeal, causing everyone on the bus to cover their ears. The blonde is nearly in the seat with the other girls as she wraps her arms around Yoohyeon’s neck, squeezing her tightly. Meanwhile Yeri is frantically crawling across the seat--practically onto Jiwon’s lap, in order to get away from the two girls.</p>
<p>“What the fuck are you toe goblins doing to Minji?” Doyeon’s questions sharply from her seat, which is on the other side of the bus and at the very back.</p>
<p>Collectively each girl, besides Minji, who at this point is letting go of Yoohyeon, holds their breath, slipping further down in their seats as Doyeon glares at them with so much fury caged in her dark eyes.</p>
<p>“They weren’t bothering me.” Minji tries, offering her genuine smile as she looks at her friend.</p>
<p>“That’s not what I saw from back here.”</p>
<p>Jiwon scoffs. <em> Really? </em></p>
<p>Maybe it was just the day, or maybe it was Jiwon’s everlasting frustrations digging out to the surface. Because without thinking about the consequences she speaks up against Doyeon--which given any other chance she’d <em> never.   </em></p>
<p>“We didn’t do anything.” Jiwon says, with a little bit of bite behind her tone.</p>
<p>But her demeanor falls short when, without missing a beat, Doyeon’s chastising laugh echoes throughout the bus, which once was full of loud chatter from the other teens on board.</p>
<p>“We dIdN’t Do AnYtHinG!” Doyeon mocks her, laughing venomously once more, gaining anyone's full attention.</p>
<p>What follows after is a series of laughter, coming from Jiwon’s fellow classmates and peers.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon, Yeri, and even Minji shift uncomfortably due to the unwanted attention shifted towards them.</p>
<p>
  <em>If only she knew how my day was going. If only anyone knew how my day was fucking going.  </em>
</p>
<p>Anger slowly builds inside Jiwon’s chest. She tries to count backwards from ten, but it doesn’t work. She tries to take calming inhales and exhales, but it doesn’t work. Because each laugh that rings painfully in her ears causes her to grind her teeth together.</p>
<p>She wanted to scream, cry, break something, hit <em> someone. </em></p>
<p>Jiwon thought of herself as a good person, and she hoped that her actions showed just that. But like most good people there was often a limit as to how much they can take. And while she <em>gave, and gave</em> and those around her, <em> took, and took, </em>there had to be a point where enough is enough.</p>
<p>Jiwon was currently past that point.</p>
<p>She was finally sick and tired of <em>turning the other cheek </em>only to be smacked across the other side.</p>
<p>
  <em>Enough is enough. </em>
</p>
<p>“How about you shut the fuck up for one day, Doyeon?” Jiwon snaps uncharacteristically, whipping her head over her shoulder to look the bully in the eyes for just a second.</p>
<p>She immediately finds herself regretting her decision.</p>
<p>Because present in Doyeon’s eyes was a type of rage that she has never seen before.</p>
<p>To be bold against Doyeon was the equivalent to running back into a house fire. The outcome was unknown, but the danger was certain.</p>
<p>The entirety of the bus begins to fill up with low, “<em>Oohs” </em>and hushed whispers.</p>
<p>Jiwon glances over to Rosé, who looks unreadable, her gaze low to the floor.</p>
<p>She pretends that it doesn't hurt her when she realizes that Rosé had let Doyeon start all this. There once was a time where Rosé defended her at all cost, no matter what happened. Now it feels like a slap across Jiwon's face, knowing that her ex-girlfriend no longer needed to.</p>
<p><em>Why are you okay with this? What do you even see in her, Rosie? </em>  </p>
<p>Jiwon quickly looks away, and with that--whatever force that compelled her to act the way she did previously, completely vanishes. Insomuch that she questions herself.</p>
<p>Did she really just say that to Doyeon, of all people? Or was this some really horrible fever dream? Or had she gone and done her mind?</p>
<p>Nonetheless, the answer wouldn’t matter.</p>
<p>There's a pause before the storm, and everyone on the bus can feel it brewing. </p>
<p>Jiwon briefly thinks/hopes that maybe Doyeon’s pride was too injured for her to rebuttal back.</p>
<p>But that was wishful thinking because the sound of footsteps trailing behind her seat is enough for her to know that she was wrong.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh shit. </em>
</p>
<p>Jiwon can already feel the spike in dreaded anticipation rise within her chest with each ear-piercing step that draws near.</p>
<p>Closer, closer. </p>
<p>“Doyeon stop!”</p>
<p>Jiwon recognizes Rosé’s voice in an instant. The teenager’s heart drops to her stomach, and her mouth goes completely dry.</p>
<p>But not because of Rosé’s voice. No that’d be the lesser evil of the two.</p>
<p>What has her so terrified is Doyeon, who is now towering over the exit of the seat, her face tempered with unadulterated rage as she stares directly at her, eyes filled with hatred.   </p>
<p>Jiwon’s friends’ eyes fall to the floor, whilst Jiwon helplessly stares up at Doyeon in horror.</p>
<p>Without warning, both of Doyeon’s hands slam against the material of the seats, causing a loud whipping sound to pierce the inside of bus.</p>
<p>The girls flinch at the sound before Jiwon painfully shallows the lump in her throat.</p>
<p>The bus driver watches from the rear view mirror, but makes no effort to try and stop what’s clearly about to go down.</p>
<p>“Wanna try that again, Robodyke?” Doyeon growls, her hands tighten around the seats, turning her knuckles white. It looks as if she's is holding herself back from lunging at the other girl.</p>
<p>Jiwon feels sick to her stomach. She knows-<em>feels </em>that strong urge to throw up.</p>
<p>Doyeon on the other hand, resembles a tiger flicking it’s tail. Daring Jiwon to speak again, begging for a reason to be turned loose from her cage. </p>
<p>Jiwon is just barely hanging on, her stomach threatening to double her over when someone at the front of the bus clears their throat loudly-<em>purposefully. </em></p>
<p>Every single teenager on the bus looks at principal Yiyeon, who is standing with her arms across her chest in a manner that tells how displeased she is. (Unfortunately their principal had walked in just a moment too late. If only she would have gotten on the bus a second sooner she would have witnessed Doyeon’s true persona. Regardless, Yiyeon had her suspicious.) </p>
<p>“Is there a problem Ms. Kim?” The principal questions, her tone itself sends chills down the students’ spines.</p>
<p>Doyeon’s fingertips brush across Yoohyeon’s hair before she smiles fraudulently. (Unknown to Doyeon and the other girls, Minji was keeping a watchful eye on her friend. Should Doyeon so much as pluck a single hair from Yoohyeon’s head, Minji wouldn’t hesitate to stomp her into the bus’s aisle way--thus creating a totally new walkway.) </p>
<p>“No, Mrs. Kim. I was just talking with my <em> friends.</em>” Doyeon easily lies, making sure that the phrase digs deep in Jiwon’s skin.</p>
<p>Yiyeon arches a single brow, clearly she hadn’t bought what Doyeon was saying, but she doesn't pursue the issue any further. Solely because she has no proof to accuse Doyeon of anything. “Well if you're finished I’d like it if you went back to your seat now.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” Doyeon says with a tight lip smile. She begins to make her way back to her seat but not before sending Jiwon one last look that can only be interpreted as, <em> you’ll regret this. </em></p>
<p>Jiwon releases all the air she had been holding in her lungs in one shaky exhale the moment Doyeon is out of earshot.</p>
<p>As if on cue the dormancy of the bus ceases as lively chatter fills the vehicle once more. Yiyeon turns on her heel before coolly sitting down in the seat across from the bus driver.</p>
<p>Jiwon doesn’t even need to look at her principal in order to know that the driver is in for verbal smack-down for not interfering earlier.</p>
<p>“Holy shit.” Yoohyeon utters in total disbelief.</p>
<p>“I swear dude. I was about ready to pop off on her ass. Doyeon’s lucky that principal Yiyeon walked in when she did.” Yeri says rather confidently for someone with the body mass of a teacup poodle.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon rolls her eyes. “As if. You couldn’t even cut melted butter with a sharp knife.”</p>
<p>Yeri looks over at her friend, appalled. “You haven’t seen all the cool Taekwondo moves that Shim’s been teaching me!” Yeri defends, slightly raising her chin.</p>
<p>“What in ultimate ninja?”</p>
<p>“I don’t have to prove myself to you.” </p>
<p>In the midst of Yoohyeon and Yeri’s bickering is Jiwon, who at the moment is trying to steady her uneven breathing.</p>
<p>The sharp pain in her stomach twists again as her mind drives her crazy with every single fate it can think of.</p>
<p>That fate mainly being Doyeon burying her alive.</p>
<p>“I’m so fucking dead.” Jiwon says through clenched teeth.</p>
<p>Yeri and Yoohyeon are quick to notice their friend’s distress. Their expressions changed into a look of concern as they scoot closer to her.</p>
<p>“No you're not.” Yeri reassures her, bringing her hand up to rub soothing circles across her Jiwon's back.</p>
<p>“You got us. We won’t let anything happen to you.” Yoohyeon promises, equally as concerned</p>
<p>Jiwon looks at her friends, eyes glossy. She sees the sincerely in their eyes, and feels the tremendous amount of love radiating off of their bodies.</p>
<p>But yet it’s not enough.</p>
<p>She needs her mom.</p>
<p>She craves the comfort of her mom’s warm embrace. Desperately pleading for that security that only a mother can give. Her mom always knew what to do when she got like this.</p>
<p>Tiffany was the one who’d always wiped her tears away--the one who used to kiss every scrape or bruise that formed on her body, back when she was a little girl. </p>
<p>Tiffany was her mother, but also her protector above all else. </p>
<p>A red string had wrapped them together sixteen years ago, and not once had that thread ever frayed. </p>
<p>Through blurred vision, Jiwon searches for her mom. She looks out from the window of the bus, eyes trailing over every single person until all are accounted for. Nowhere in sight is her mom to be seen.</p>
<p>Jiwon doesn’t remind herself not to cry this time, it’s far too late for that. Hot tears spill out from the corner of her eyes before they coat her smooth skin.</p>
<p>The teenager's anxiety pumps through her veins like a deadly drug, she's left helpless as the attack flares up.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon gasps softly upon noticing Jiwon crying, her heart coils itself up from inside her chest as she reaches out to touch her friend's shoulder in a attempt comfort her.</p>
<p>Yeri feels a slash of pain across her chest as she too witnesses the sorrow that her dear friend is feeling, and in that moment she wants nothing more than to steal Jiwon’s pain away. </p>
<p>So she tries in the only way she knows how to.</p>
<p>By attempting to make her laugh.</p>
<p>“Just wait until Seungeun hears about this. She’ll go all Jackie Chan on Doyeon’s ass.” Yeri giggles as she rests her forehead against Jiwon’s own.</p>
<p>There’s a small flicker in Jiwon's eyes, like the moment before the tide meets the shore--calmly pushing her into the warmth of the sands. She cracks a smile, chuckling despite herself.</p>
<p>“Now she’s someone who most definitely could, <em>p</em><em>op off </em>on Doyeon’s ass." Yoohyeon comments with a laugh.</p>
<p>Although Jiwon’s stomach is still riddled with pain she allows herself this moment.</p>
<p>Even if the rest of the day continues to get shittier, at least she’ll have this moment. Basking in the warmth of her friend’s love, her heart smiling as her anxiety settles down.</p>
<p>Only Yeri could manage to crack a joke at the worst of times--and succeed at making people laugh during them. </p>
<p>Jiwon wouldn't want her to be any other way.</p>
<p><em> “Hey.” </em> A small but gentle voice is heard, disrupting their laughter. </p>
<p>The three girls turn their heads around to look at Minji. They didn’t realize she still remained behind them.</p>
<p>Minji’s eyes are sad, laced with empathy for Jiwon/all the girls who are senselessly bullied by someone she calls a friend. “I’m sorry about Doyeon. She can be a lot sometimes. I don’t want you to worry about her though. She’s mostly all bark and no bite…..So don’t worry.” She tells them, though mostly her words are for Jiwon.</p>
<p><em> I highly doubt that. </em> Jiwon thinks to herself. She knows better than to think of Doyeon as anything else but unpredictable. </p>
<p>“Thanks Minji.” Jiwon says, truly appreciating the other girl's sympathy.</p>
<p>Jiwon never had a problem with Minji, likewise with Minji to Jiwon. The ditzy blonde had always been pleasant to her and her friends--especially towards Yoohyeon, despite being higher up on the school’s hierarchy than all of them combined. Minji was actually one of the few students that treated Jiwon with respect, and she in return showed the same amount back.</p>
<p>Minji smiles with both her eyes and lips, truly genuine.</p>
<p>Jiwon wonders how someone as sweet as Minji could end up associating herself with the rotten likes of Doyeon. </p>
<p>But maybe that’s just it. Minji was way too nice. She’d never be able to comprehend all the ugliness locked away in Doyeon’s blackened heart.</p>
<p>Nonetheless, Jiwon still doesn’t understand Minji’s friendship with Doyeon anymore than before.</p>
<p>Minji briefly looks behind her before turning back around towards Jiwon and the other girls.The blonde rubs the back of her neck sheepishly. “I’m going to go sit back with them now.” She says before standing up. </p>
<p>Jiwon knows, or thinks she does, that Minji’s was only going back because the leash that Doyeon keeps attached to her is now tightening around her neck.</p>
<p>Minji pauses for a moment only to look at Yoohyeon. “I’m holding you to your promise, Yoohyeonie.” She winks devilishly over her shoulder.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon blushes as she watches Minji walk away while Yeri and Jiwon share a look.</p>
<p>“Gay people make me so uncomfortable.” Yeri jokes, but her expression remains strictly serious.</p>
<p>“So that’s why you hate looking in the mirror so much.” Yoohyeon counters.</p>
<p>“I only hate seeing my reflection after spending the night with your <em> mom. </em>” Yeri resorts without missing a beat.</p>
<p>“Don’t say that about mama Bora.” Jiwon giggles before adding, “Besides I thought my mom was the only woman for you?” </p>
<p>Yeri sighs dreamily. “God...She is. But I’m wildin’ out for a bit until she comes to her senses and realizes that she has the <em>Jung. </em>But now she needs the <em>Kang.</em>”</p>
<p>Jiwon's face scrunches in disgust. “Don’t objectify my mom like that.” She demands while playfully shoving Yeri.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon follows suit. “Yeah or mine!”</p>
<p>Yeri is stuck getting pushed back and fourth, laughing the whole time, when Tiffany finally steps up inside the bus.</p>
<p>All the teenagers onboard are immediately enchanted by Tiffany’s presence as she stands at the front of the bus. She grabs the clipboard that Yiyeon is handing towards her, in order to count attendance. But before she can even utter a single name--one of the teenagers yells, “MRS. JUNG!” In the biggest fanboy voice.</p>
<p>Tiffany rolls her eyes, smiling at the display.</p>
<p>(Truthfully she adored the extra attention.)</p>
<p>Seconds after, Yeri’s head darts up from the seat in a manner that resembles a meerkat.</p>
<p>The teenager’s eyes land instantly on Tiffany. She practically melts as her music teacher's warm honey voice calls out name after name.</p>
<p>Tiffany smiles once she sees the next name she has to call off. “Megan Jung?” She calls fondly. Her whole mood brightens immensely once she sees her daughter. Jiwon on the other hand feels her stomach twist again at the sight of her mother.</p>
<p>
  <em>Where were y- </em>
</p>
<p>Like some grand spotlight singling out one particular part--she sees the exhaustion hidden behind her mother’s warm eyes.</p>
<p>And then a painful realization blooms in Jiwon's heart like a garden full of thorns.</p>
<p>
  <em>She can never know about what happened. </em>
</p>
<p>Jiwon pushes her wants aside, and promises to maintain her mother’s happiness above all else. </p>
<p>“Here.” Jiwons says, the quietest out of all the voices from before.  </p>
<p>Tiffany's eyes linger on her daughter for just a moment longer than what they did for the rest of the students before she looks back at the list.</p>
<p>Only one name remains.</p>
<p>“Yerim Kang?”</p>
<p>Yeri becomes visibly excited, bouncing in her seat while her eyes practically shape into hearts as she raises her hand. <em> “Here.” </em>She coos in a sultry tone that sounds so inappropriate for someone her age.</p>
<p>“Quite frankly that’s disgusting behavior.” Yoohyeon quips.</p>
<p>Jiwon nods in agreement as she scoots away from Yeri, who at the moment is acting like an animal in heat. “I literally don’t even know her anymore.”</p>
<p>Yeri doesn’t bother with responding. Instead she listens attentively to Tiffany, who is going over safety precautions. (Call her crazy, but Yeri has never been so invested in the topic. With how Tiffany explains it, it's hard to not be invested…...Yeri has never wanted to abide by the rules so badly before.)  </p>
<p>“Any questions?” Tiffany finishes, looking around the bus for any raised hands.</p>
<p>To her surprise Doyeon has her hand raised. Usually the students didn’t bother with asking questions. Nonetheless, Tiffany nods at her, signaling the green-light for Doyeon to go ahead and ask her question.</p>
<p>“Isn’t it a safety violation for three students to be seated into one seat?” Doyeon asks sweetly, but her intentions are nothing if not sour.</p>
<p>Before Tiffany can even reply Yiyeon is standing up from her seat in one quick motion.</p>
<p>“Who’s violating transportation safety?” Yiyeon barks, entirely serious about any if not all means of safety! </p>
<p>Yeri almost shits herself once Yiyeon’s eyes land on the group. Meanwhile Jiwon wonders how their principal didn’t catch them in the first place.</p>
<p>“Lee, Kang, Jung. You know the rules, Figure out who’s sitting where before I make one of you sit by me for the whole ride.” Yiyeon demands, sounding awfully like a drill sergeant.</p>
<p>Doyeon snickers in the background.</p>
<p>“Yeri out.” Yoohyeon simply says.</p>
<p>“What the fuck? The only spots left are next to Body Odor or Seunguen’s mom!” Yeri screeches as if it wasn’t already obvious. (The empty seat behind them wasn't available anymore, due to it being located across from vehicle's the emergency exit. And since their principal seemed adamant on abiding by the rules, Yeri doubted that she'd let her sit there.) </p>
<p>“Red pill or blue pill. I don’t care. Just pick one.” Yoohyeon savagely replies. </p>
<p>“Don’t do this to me.” Yeri begs before looking at Jiwon, eyes pleading silently. After a second Jiwon just shrugs. Yeri feels betrayed.</p>
<p>“One.” Yiyeon counts down in a low tone as she impatiently taps her left foot repeatedly.</p>
<p>Yeri stands defeated, head hung low as she accepts her demise.</p>
<p>“Yeri you can sit next to me if you want?” Tiffany suddenly asks, already sitting down at her seat across from Yiyeon's own.</p>
<p>Yeri’s eyes brighten with light as if she was standing outside of heaven’s pearly white gates. The teenager looks back to her friends for a split second. “Bye.” She says, before rushing to get to Tiffany all while having one of her high pitch giggling fits.</p>
<p>Jiwon and Yoohyeon shake their heads as they watch Yeri blatantly dote on Tiffany once she's seated beside her.   </p>
<p>“There’s something seriously wrong with that girl.” Yoohyeon chuckles.</p>
<p>“But we love her.” Jiwon says, smiling.</p>
<p>“We do?” Yoohyeon asks, faking her confusion. </p>
<p>In return Jiwon gives her a look. Yoohyeon laughs, before pulling out her wired earbuds. “You wanna listen to Spotify with me?”</p>
<p>Jiwon shrugs her shoulders. “Sure.”</p>
<p>Yoohyeon passes one of the earbuds as Jiwon scoots closer.</p>
<p>Jiwon mindlessly watches Yoohyeon shuffle through her playlists. One in particular catches Jiwon’s eyes. If she would have blinked just a second ago she would have missed it. The name of the playlist is called “<em>Jiu</em>” with a bunch of pink hearts surrounding both sides. The cover image is a Polaroid photo of a girl laying down on a bed. Jiwon can’t distinguish who it is because half of the girl's face is covered by a fuzzy blanket. But one thing is clear, whoever that girl is looking at, behind the lens of the camera, must be really special to her. Because the girl’s eyes are shining with affection, almost blindingly so.</p>
<p>She glances over to her friend once the silver haired girl quickly swipes pass it.</p>
<p>Jiwon could feel her nosier side come out after that--blame it on teenage curiosity, or the genes she took from her mom. She really wanted to ask Yoohyeon about the playlist and the girl in the photo, but lucky for Yoohyeon Jiwon’s curiosity dropped the moment that, "no tears left to cry" by Ariana Grande came on.</p>
<p>“Periodt.” Jiwon chimes, before dancing offbeat to the song.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon laughs before joining her friend, dancing just as badly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Meanwhile-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeri twirls a strand of her black hair around her pointer finger. “Mrs. Jung what was that phrase you used to say?” She questions, despite already knowing the answer.</p>
<p>“Supersonic, Hypertonic?”</p>
<p>Yeri’s eyes light up like it’s Christmas day. “Yeah that’s the one!!!! Oh my god, you’re soooo cool, Mrs. Jung!”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The entirety of the bus ride was nothing more than a Spotify sesh for Jiwon and Yoohyeon. Meanwhile Yeri played around with Snapchat filters with Tiffany for the last remainder of the ride. It wasn’t too long after that before they arrived at Everglow Zoo.</p>
<p>All the buses come to a stop outside the overly colorful entrance. Shortly after all, the teenagers, staff, and chaperones shuffle out of the buses. </p>
<p>The crowd of students make their way inside the attraction before stopping in front of a huge bronze elephant statue that was placed in the middle of the brick intersection pathway. The crowd of teenagers begin to sit at the benches scattered around the statue, while Jiwon and her friends sit up on the ledge foundation of the statue itself.</p>
<p>Yiyeon assigns groups among the students--that they shall remain in for the entire day.</p>
<p>Jiwon, Yoohyeon, Yeri, and Seungeun all get assigned together to be in Tiffany’s group.</p>
<p>Jiwon gives her thanks to god, the universe, fate or whoever controls these types of perfect silver linings. (She’d never know that Yiyeon purposefully assigned them to be together. The principal had felt sorry for her that day, after learning about Jessica's absence. Yiyeon had hoped that by putting Jiwon in a group with her friends she’d have a better time. Plus the principal was looking out for Tiffany also.)</p>
<p>Doyeon, Rosé, and a few girls from the athletics team get assigned together in Chungha’s group. Meanwhile Minji is assigned with random classmates and Body Odor himself.</p>
<p>Jiwon feels extremely bad for Minji. Even more so when she witnesses the boy talking to her, with no control whatsoever in his breathing pattern. He exhales every breath right into Minji’s face, in return Minji’s skin looks like it’s melting from the sheer “hotness” of his smelly-ass breath.</p>
<p>Minji glances over towards Jiwon in an attempt to protect her face from the boy’s breath. Jiwon smiles sympathetically towards her.</p>
<p>“Where’s Seungeun? Yeri questions while looking around, whilst Yiyeon continues to assign groups in the background.</p>
<p>Jiwon shrugs her shoulders while Yoohyeon looks throughout the crowd, but the fiery redhead is nowhere to be seen.</p>
<p>With the swiftness of a thousand hidden leaf ninjas, Seungeun Naturo runs through the crowd of teens before stopping right in the middle of the circle that her three friends had formed with their bodies.</p>
<p>“The Queen has arrived.” Jiwon announces, curtsying to Seungeun.</p>
<p>“Took you long enough.” Yeri quips.</p>
<p>“Hey, Seungeun.” Yoohyeon greets, being the politest one out of the friend group. (Though Yeri would disagree.)</p>
<p>“Megan, Satan, Yoohster.” Seungeun finally acknowledges them before adding, “I swear I love my mom but that woman can conjure up a headache stronger than y’all's future.” She informs with absolutely no context behind it or even as to which mother she was referring to.</p>
<p>“Speaking of headaches. You got to hear this.” Yeri says, fully incapable of keeping Seungeun out of the loop for a second longer.</p>
<p>Seungeun looks at Yeri, feeling slightly intrigued as to what Yeri had to say. (Yeri did after all serve the piping hottest tea around.) </p>
<p>Yeri’s lips spread into a shit eating girl before saying, “Megan told Doyeon to fuck off!”</p>
<p><em> “What?!” </em>Seungeun questions astonishingly, her mouth dropping open as she looks over to Jiwon.  </p>
<p>“I didn’t exactly say that.” Jiwon says.</p>
<p>“Tomato, tomahto. It doesn’t really make a difference. You still stood up to her.” Yeri says.</p>
<p>“Wow, Megan. I never thought you of all people would tell Doyeon where to stick it.” Seungeun admits, playfully shoving Jiwon’s left shoulder.</p>
<p>“Her nice girl persona is coming to an end!” Yeri jokes, whipping a fake tear from her eye.</p>
<p>“I don’t know about that. I was just fed up with her treating us like shit.” Jiwon admits, her voice slightly smaller than before.</p>
<p>Her friends are momentarily render silent. For they were taken back by her words. They knew the gravity of their situation and lived through it everyday. But the part that always remained uncertain was, <em>how much longer? </em>   </p>
<p>How much longer could they last in this childish conflict? This game of mental tug of war? Sometimes the cruel remarks slide off their skin. In a way that sings, “<em>I’m rubber, you're glue.” </em> After a while they had became desensitized to the harshness, embracing it, accepting it. Because that's just the way it was, and they couldn’t change that.</p>
<p>But Doyeon would test their humanity, making sure there was still some life behind their eyes before stealing it away. She was like a cat playing with it’s prey. Should she ever stop finding the fun in tormenting them--how much longer would it be before she eats them alive? </p>
<p>However, that’s only when the prey never fights back.</p>
<p>What Jiwon doesn’t know is how much admiration her friends carry in their hearts for her. Although she was just as loud and crack-headish as the rest of them, she was also the strength that held them together all these years, the foundation that made up their unshakable friendship.</p>
<p>When Yeri, Yoohyeon, and Seungeun look at her they don’t see a weak or damaged girl. They see a girl with a heart of gold, selfless, and kind. Someone who could lead but chooses to walk side by side among them, not in a single file line with them trailing behind.</p>
<p>“I’m proud of you, and don’t worry. I’ll watch your back.” Seungeun tells her before wrapping an arm over Jiwon's shoulder. She pulls her close as the group starts to walk with the rest of students, a little bit of extra prep in their steps.</p>
<p>*** </p>
<p>The first half of the trip is as much fun as anyone could expect. Seeing almost lifeless like animals move sluggishly around from behind the view of glass isn’t exactly what most teenagers would deem as fun.</p>
<p>Although Jiwon and her friends had found the display of little penguins diving off from the rocks into the waters of their exhibit to be entertaining enough. But other than that the appeal of visiting the zoo had washed off well after her middle school years.</p>
<p>Now she finds joy in the simpler things in life. Like music, gaming, and watching Seungeun shoot spitballs through a straw at Doyeon, who, for the life of her, can’t seem to tell where they’re coming from.  </p>
<p>“Look at her look over there! Fucking dumbass.” Yeri cackles, holding her belly as she falls back laughing. She closes her eyes the moment her head hits the cool grass, humming softly as the sunlight warms her skin.</p>
<p>Jiwon chuckles while rummaging through her lunch box. Her stomach growls the minute she grabs a hold of the turkey sandwich Tiffany had packed for her. She unzips the ziplock bag, taking the sandwich out before hastily taking a bite.</p>
<p>“Thank god principal Yiyeon decided to finally stop for lunch. I was so hungry that the hippos were starting to look delicious.” Jiwon says around a mouthful of food.   </p>
<p><b>“</b>I wonder what hippos taste like?” Yoohyeon asks before popping a grape in her mouth.</p>
<p>“Probably like beef but swamper.” Yeri comments, sitting up.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon thinks for a moment, debating on whether the answer is acceptable or not before nodding her head, agreeing silently.</p>
<p>The girls then eat in silence. Well all of them except for Yeri. She stares down at the red lidded Tupperware on top of her lap, dreading to open it up. She knows which mother prepared her lunch, thus her expectations are set extremely low for what’s inside.</p>
<p>She pops the lid off, her face instantly morphing into a look of disgust.</p>
<p>“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!” Seungeun yells, not believing what she sees.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon slightly leans over to get a better look at what’s inside the Tupperware. “I think it’s supposed to be a fried egg?” She questions, totally unsure.</p>
<p>“Bitch, that shit looks like it’s moving.” Seungeun supplies unhelpfully.</p>
<p>“Did Irene make that?” Jiwon asks, forcing herself to look at the monstrosity of a meal.</p>
<p>Yeri sighs deeply. “Yeah. She’s been attending cooking classes once a month. She’s really proud of herself. So now she packs my lunches for me.” </p>
<p>“Well it looks good.” Jiwon lies, fearing that if she said something slightly bad about the food Irene would somehow hear it and hunt her down.   </p>
<p>“Okay Megan’s cancelled for lying. That-<em>thing </em>looks like how Body Odor smells.” Seungeun says while pointing at the food.</p>
<p>All the girls shudder at Seungeun’s remark before Yeri closes the lid back on the Tupperware and locks-<em>whatever it is, </em>away inside her backpack. She makes a mental note to throw away what’s inside in one the trash cans before the field trip is over. At least that way when she lies to her mom about how much she enjoyed her food it will sound/look believable.</p>
<p>Silence washes over the girls once more.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon pushes her container of grapes towards Yeri in a silent offer to share. Jiwon follows suit and gives the other half of her sandwich. Seungeun offers up the remainder of her juice box as well.</p>
<p>Yeri’s eyes become glossy, overwhelmed by her friends’ kindness.</p>
<p>She sniffles softly before popping a grape in her mouth.</p>
<p>Seungeun breaks the silence with her iconic booming laughter, pointing a single finger at Yeri after noticing she is crying.</p>
<p>Yeri feels embarrassed, darting her head down so her friends won’t see her tears. But she laughs anyways because it is kinda funny.</p>
<p>What follows after is all of them laughing before Yeri acts like she hadn’t just cried over some grapes, a juice box, and a deliciously good turkey sandwich moments ago.</p>
<p>Truthfully she had cried because Yoohyeon, Seungeun, and Jiwon are the greatest friends she’s ever had.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Further across the field of grass, sits Tiffany, Yiyeon, Chungha.</p>
<p>Tiffany hears the laughter from where she sits, and she’s able to tell Jiwon’s laugh apart from the others instantly. She looks at her daughter, her heart melting once she sees the pure joy radiating off her. It’s in her smile, the way she closes her eyes in happy crescent moons on display for the world to see.</p>
<p>Tiffany engraves the moment inside her heart, swearing to never forget it. She’ll keep it locked away forever, safely blanketing it with the fabric of her soul.</p>
<p>(Jessica on the other hand would never see it. Only wonder about its existence through missed opportunities and pictures that could never compare.)</p>
<p>“They seem like they’re having fun.” Yiyeon comments, looking at her own daughter with eyes full of love.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Tiffany breaths relieved but somehow sad. “I was worried that Megan wouldn’t have fun today.” She admits.</p>
<p>“But she is.” Yiyeon steadily confirms, fully aware of the implications behind Tiffany’s words.</p>
<p>“She is.” Tiffany says, more to herself than anything. Just to be reassured once again.</p>
<p>The need to do so has become a common occurrence these days.</p>
<p>Always reassuring herself that everything is fine regardless of the circumstances. </p>
<p><em>“Everything is fine.” </em> Tiffany tells herself after having a bad haircut, years ago.</p>
<p><em>“Everything is fine.” </em> She tells herself after ruining dinner one night, months ago.</p>
<p><em>“Everything is fine.” </em> She tells herself after a long day.</p>
<p><em>“Everything is fine.” </em> She tells herself when Jessica gets dragged into work yet again.</p>
<p><em>“Everything is fine.” </em> She tells herself on days when she’s tired from work and motherly duties, and needs her wife’s help.</p>
<p><em>“Everything is fine.” </em>She tells herself when Jessica is too busy to sign for permission slips for their daughter.</p>
<p><em>“Everything is fine.” </em>She tells herself when Jiwon had locked herself inside of her room on the day of her sixteenth birthday party--the one that Jessica had missed because of work.</p>
<p><em>“Everything is fine.” </em> She tells herself every time Jiwon tells her she loves her. But no longer does her daughter utter those three words to Jessica.</p>
<p>“We’ll give everyone twenty minutes to eat their lunches before going back in. There’s still some exhibits I want them to see before it gets dark.” Yiyeon says, disrupting Tiffany’s thoughts.</p>
<p>Tiffany nods, silently agreeing. She reaches for her lunch box, ready to finally eat. She had worked up quite an appetite in between walking around so much and then listening to Chungha rant about anti-vaxxers for the last fifteen minutes.</p>
<p>Tiffany’s face falls once she realizes that her lunch box is entirely empty. Not even so much as a single crumb to be seen.</p>
<p><em> “Shit.” </em> She swears under her breath.</p>
<p>Chungha and Yiyeon share a look of concern.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?’ Yiyeon asks.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing.” Tiffany lies at first, closing her eyes, tightly squeezing them shut before sighing. She hates lying and the feeling it gives. The only reason she lied in the first place is because she didn’t want Yiyeon or Chungha to feel sorry for her. "I forgot to pack lunch for myself this morning.”-”I was busy getting Megan’s and Jessica’s ready that I must've forgotten about my own.”-”I know it’s still in the fridge though...I don’t know how I let myself forget it.” Tiffany finishes, her voice trailing off somewhere in the distance towards the end.</p>
<p>Yiyeon looks towards her wife, then at their plates which are completely clean of any leftovers, then back to Chungha again. (Yiyeon and Chungha could devour a plate full of food in under five minutes. Their first official date back when they were in their teenage years had been at a Ponderosa. Somehow they managed to get themselves kicked out after eating the entire buffet, despite the so called claims of, <em> “All you can eat.”</em>)</p>
<p><em> Fuck, we ate all of our chicken tenders. We have to get her something! </em>Yiyeon thinks, hoping that Chungha can hear her thoughts.</p>
<p>Chungha seems to understand the telepathic message that her wife is seemingly transmitting from her eyes.</p>
<p><em> “Tuck in the chicken strippers. They’ve all been through something.” </em> Chungha hears. She doesn’t know why Yiyeon is thinking about comforting chickens when Tiffany--who is their friend and more important to them than some provocative chickens, is right here practically starving.</p>
<p>“Do you mind fast food? I think I saw a Wendys around the block. I can go get you something if you want?” Chungha asks, already proceeding to get up.</p>
<p>“No, no, no.” Tiffany starts, quickly gesturing for Chungha to sit back down. “It’s fine, don’t worry. We only have a few hours left before dinner so I can hold off until then.” Tiffany assures her.</p>
<p>“Are you sure? I really don’t mind.”</p>
<p>“I’m okay. But thank you.” Tiffany says with a smile.</p>
<p>Not even a minute after Chungha sits down Tiffany’s stomach growls embarrassingly loud.</p>
<p>Before Yiyeon can say anything, and before Chungha is able to just up and bolt to the nearest fast food joint in sight. A younger man wearing a black track uniform and a big black backpack with the words, “<b>Uber eats</b>” inscribed on the back, stops on his bike a few feet away.</p>
<p>The three women watch him with interest as he scans the area around him while parking his bike.</p>
<p>The man’s face lights up in what they assume is <em> recognition? </em> Once he sees Tiffany across the way. He wastes no time after seeing her, immediately walking her way.</p>
<p>Tiffany looks behind her, thinking that maybe he was looking at another person. But when she turns around and sees that Yiyeon and Chungha are the only two people within his line of sight, she's left feeling confused. She looks back around before seeing that the man is almost at where she’s sitting. She turns around<em> AGAIN, </em> looking at Chungha and Yiyeon with an expression asking, <em> for you? </em></p>
<p>The two women shake their heads <em> no, </em>in which Tiffany looks back around to the man yet again.</p>
<p>Only to find him standing a respectful distance away from her. “You’re Tiffany Jung, correct?” He asks, smiling politely.</p>
<p>“Um, yeah?” Tiffany replies, unsure.</p>
<p>“Perfect! Sorry about the wait. The traffic around here is crazy!” He says while unzipping the backpack only to pull out a takeout bag of freshly cooked Chinese food.</p>
<p>Tiffany is feeling even more confused once the man places the bag of food next to her. “It’s okay.” She says, unable to question what's actually going on.</p>
<p>“Enjoy your food, ma’am. And have a good day!” He chimes, before turning around and walking away.</p>
<p>Tiffany, Chungha, and Yiyeon are left stunned as they watch him text on his phone before getting on his bike. They watch him pedal away as his figure gets smaller and smaller until he's finally out of sight.</p>
<p>“Okay, what’s going on?” Yiyeon is the first to question after.</p>
<p>Tiffany is unable to answer her because she honestly had no idea what in the fu-</p>
<p>Her phone vibrates, once, from inside the pocket of her jeans.</p>
<p>Chungha and Yiyeon look at her exceptionally, feeling nosy as hell at the moment. But they remain quiet as Tiffany unlocks her phone, tapping away at the screen to read a new text message.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Jessi</b>
</p>
<p>|I know that you're probably still mad at me. But I saw your lunch in the fridge this morning before I went to work. I don’t want you to go hungry. So please eat.|</p>
<p>|Seen|</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tiffany doesn’t respond right away. For she was too busy looking at Jessica’s previous message and then reading the newest over, and over. She just couldn’t believe this was real.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Fany</b>
</p>
<p>|How did you know I was on lunch?|</p>
<p>|Seen|</p>
<p><br/>|And how did the delivery guy know who to deliver it to?|</p>
<p>|Seen|</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Jessi</b>
</p>
<p>|I texted Megan’s friend’s mom earlier. Apparently Irene has a Snapchat just so she can keep track of her daughter's location. She sent me a text letting me know her daughter was on lunch. So I assumed you’d be too. I sent a picture of you to the uber guy, and told him where you should be.|</p>
<p>|Seen|</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tiffany scoffs fondly, despite still feeling completely shell shocked.</p>
<p>Even after many years into their marriage, Jessica still sweeps Tiffany off her feet, treating her like how she sees her as.</p>
<p>A princess. </p>
<p>From flowers, chocolates, clothes, jewelry, love letters handwritten by Jessica herself, to trips all across the world, seeing beautiful oceans, and meeting wonderful sorts of people.</p>
<p>Jessica's gifts to her had no limit.</p>
<p>However, Jessica's love for Tiffany was far from being just superficial, likewise with Tiffany. For Jessica’s love was endless and pure like a river whose water never droughts. </p>
<p>   </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Fany</b>
</p>
<p>|You sent a picture of me to a random uber driver?|</p>
<p>|Seen|</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Jessi</b>
</p>
<p>|I wasn’t thinking about stranger danger. I thought it was pretty clever actually.|</p>
<p>|Seen|</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tiffany can't help but to laugh, her heart feeling warmer than the bag of food that now sits in her lap.</p>
<p>Yiyeon and Chungha share a knowing look, but it isn't one of doting or gladness.</p>
<p>Before Tiffany can respond to that text, Jessica opts to send another one.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Jessi</b>
</p>
<p>|I got you your favorite. So please eat, okay?|    </p>
<p>|Seen|    </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before responding back Tiffany checks the containers inside of the bag, just to be sure that her wife still remembers her guilty pleasures when it came to Chinese takeout.</p>
<p>She smiles once she sees the pint of pork Lo Mein, egg drop Wonton soup, and a veggie egg roll.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>  </p>
<p>
  <b>Fany</b>
</p>
<p>|I will thank you babe.|</p>
<p>|Seen|</p>
<p>
  <b>Jessi</b>
</p>
<p>|It’s my pleasure.|</p>
<p>|Seen|</p>
<p>   </p>
<p>|I love you.|</p>
<p>|Seen|</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tiffany's heart swells inside her chest as she reads those three words. She can practically hear her wife’s silky voice as if Jessica was there telling her she loved her in person.</p>
<p>Tiffany doesn’t make the same mistake of not answering this time around. Instead her reply is instant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Fany</b>
</p>
<p>|I love you too.|</p>
<p>|Seen|</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And she means it. Always has, always will.</p>
<p>It’s like the whole world changes color suddenly for Tiffany. Everything is now painted pretty in a shade of rose.</p>
<p>She’s all too excited about digging into her food that she doesn’t notice how Yiyeon seems to be analyzing her--already putting the missing pieces together. But Yiyeon, nor Chungha say anything.</p>
<p>Instead Tiffany answers their lingering questions, “Jessica sent this can you believe it?” She asks, smiling as she opens the paper tab on her Lo Mein box.</p>
<p>“That’s thoughtful of her.” Yiyeon replies somewhat distantly but her tone remains strictly professional. It wasn’t her place to question Tiffany, nor bring up the elephant currency missing from the room. But she’d be lying to herself if she said she wasn’t concerned about Jiwon’s feelings.</p>
<p>Nonetheless, she doesn’t press the issue. </p>
<p>Instead Jiwon’s girlish squeals of joy diverge Tiffany’s attention from the food.</p>
<p>Tiffany's heart falls from where it had sat at cloud nine, and the world’s rosy hue cracks before her eyes.</p>
<p>Although Jiwon is laughing without a care in the world it seems. Tiffany knows that deep within the surface of her daughter's heart rests a kind of hurt that only wakes once there's no longer anything left to distract her from its slumber.</p>
<p>Tiffany glances back and forth between the food and her daughter. She suddenly feels sick to her stomach, and her appetite vanishes completely once the feeling of guilt washes over her.</p>
<p>She can’t help but to think about Yiyeon’s words--the thoughtfulness that Jessica always put in when it came to her, and how her wife would never want her to be left empty handed.</p>
<p>Tiffany knows that Jessica would lasso stars down to give them to her. She’d give her anything and everything she’s ever wanted if she could.</p>
<p>But what about their daughter?</p>
<p>Why is Jiwon left with nothing more than just empty hands?</p>
<p>(Hopelessly do they reach for Jessica. Oh but how they've always done so.)</p>
<p>The rose colored glasses, Tiffany seemingly wears, cracks once more. Leaving a ugly gash across the center of things.</p>
<p><em>Everything is fine. </em> Tiffany tells herself.</p>
<p>But this time it sounds like a lie.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Some time after lunch, Jiwon and her friends find themselves inside the small critter area.</p>
<p>Jiwon and Yoohyeon are looking at a huge yellow boa constrictor in the middle of the room--safely put away behind a massive circular terrarium. </p>
<p>Jiwon gets the heebie jeebies as the snake slithers around the log inside it’s tank. She shakes off the feelings as she glances over to where her mother is.</p>
<p>Tiffany is a reasonable distance away, looking at the different critters within the area. Jiwon smiles when she notices just how fascinated her mom is over all the animals, a smile of her own is spread across her lips while her eyes shine brightly.</p>
<p>The teenager finds some relief in knowing that her mom appears to be enjoying herself, despite how the day had started off, which is nice for the both of them. Considering that the moment Tiffany grouped up with her, and her friends, the tension between the two was so thick that they could've cut it with a knife.</p>
<p>Jiwon had been holding her breath, waiting for her mom to drop the bomb that she already knew about, despite having nothing been said to her about Jessica's failure to show up.</p>
<p>(At this point in Jiwon's life she doesn't need to be told when her mom breaks another promise to her yet again. She's come to learn the signs, and when there isn't any to see, she figures that Jessica won't follow through with it anyways, and that it's safe to assume that she lied once again.)</p>
<p>Tiffany, for the most part, was relatively quiet the whole time. Pair that with the fact that Jiwon purposely made sure to keep a small distance between them so that her mom wouldn't see a opportunity to talk about Jessica with her. Because honestly, Jiwon didn't want to hear it. She didn't want another excuse coming from her mom, who always spoke on her other mom's behalf.</p>
<p>Not when Jessica should be the one taking responsibility for all that she has done-<em>no</em>--all that she hasn't done.</p>
<p>Tiffany catches her daughter's eyes on her, she smiles warmly at her. In which her daughter returns before looking away, but her smile was tight-lipped.</p>
<p>Tiffany steels herself. She knows that her daughter is highly aware of Jessica absence--she has always been way too aware of it. And for the first time in years Tiffany finds herself not knowing what to say to her, despite this being a situation they've both endured before, and maybe, that's just it.</p>
<p>That they've had this conversation, yet to be spoken, already before.</p>
<p>There's nothing left to say but sorry, and Tiffany knows-<em>feels </em>that the apologies have done lost all their impact a long time ago.</p>
<p>Tiffany tries to ignore how her heart coils itself up from inside her chest after she turns back around, but the feeling is too strong. The gravity of the situation rest upon her tired shoulders, and she's terrified that it won't be much longer before she cracks under it's weight.</p>
<p>(For how she wishes that Jessica would help carry some of her burdens, to remove this heavy weight settled on top of her weaken heart.) </p>
<p> </p>
<p>On the other side of the room, Yeri and Seungeun are huddled close together looking at a Honduran white bat.</p>
<p>“It looks like Doyeon.” Yeri snickers.</p>
<p>“It kinda does though.” Seungeun agrees, laughing also.</p>
<p>Yeri viciously taps on the glass when the little bat turns it’s back on them. The poor thing instantly jumps before turning back around towards the two girls. It’s little face looks so shocked as it hisses meekly.</p>
<p>Yeri laughs at the bat’s display like a crazy woman before Seungeun hits her hard upside the back of her head.</p>
<p>“OW, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?” Yeri yells, glaring at her friend while her own hand cups the back of her head.</p>
<p>“You’re not supposed to tap on the glass. It hurts their ears you fucking moron.” Seungeun barks back.</p>
<p>“Oh look! I didn’t know Peta was making an appearance at the zoo today!” Yeri mocks, before roughly shoving her friend.</p>
<p>Seungeun stumbles backwards, her back colliding with a wall, causing Yeri to laugh entirely too loud because of it.</p>
<p>Seungeun lets out a low growl before Edge spearing Yeri to the ground.</p>
<p>Tiffany is currently clueless to the fighting in the background as she, Chungha, and her group watch a red eared slider turtle swim happily back and forth in it’s tank.</p>
<p>Jiwon, by that time, has decided she’s seen enough of the snake, as she and Yoohyeon now walk side by side towards the exit to get some fresh air.</p>
<p>They pass by Yeri and Seungeun, who are currently wrestling on the floor. They pay the two fighting girls no mind. Even though it’s kind of hard to not notice Seungeun pushing down on one of Yeri’s pressure points screaming-</p>
<p>“NAME FIVE CANDY BARS AND I’LL LET GO!”</p>
<p>“FUCK!” Yeri yells, desperately trying to free herself from her friend’s hold.</p>
<p>Seungeun applies more pressure on Yeri’s hand once the girl attempts to hit her, causing Yeri to squeal in discomfort. “Fuck is not a candy bar.”</p>
<p>“REESES!”-”TWIXS!”-”KITKATS!”-”BUTTERFINGERS!” Yeri screams, forgetting that she needs to say one more in order to be let free.</p>
<p>“One more!” Seungeun reminds her.</p>
<p>Yeri yells out a list of profanities as she tries to rack her mind for an answer. Each second that passes Seungeun just barely adds more pressure, sending Yeri into insanity.</p>
<p>“FUCKKKKKKK!!!!!!! MILKYWAY!! MILKYWAYYYYYY!!!” Yeri insanely sobs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once outside Jiwon takes a deep breath through her nose. Which she instantly regrets because the strong smell of farm animal feces practically scorches her nose hairs away. </p>
<p>Yoohyeon on the other hand checks her phone, smiling once she sees a <em> certain someone </em> has texted her.</p>
<p>Jiwon smirks knowingly. “So what’s the deal with you and Minji?” She questions after finally seeing her opportunity to ask.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon looks like she’s been caught red handed, her brows furrowed together as her face turns blood red. “We’re just friends.” She says, her voice cracking slightly.</p>
<p>“Whatever you say.” Jiwon replies with a playful wink.</p>
<p>Before Yoohyeon can reply, Yeri and Seungeun are strolling outside, hand in hand, despite them fighting just seconds ago.</p>
<p>“I wanna see some goats.” Yeri announces.</p>
<p>Jiwon chuckles at how Yeri’s mind seems to work, nevertheless she agrees. “Okay.”</p>
<p>The group of girls walk over to the wooden corral that holds a slew of various farm animals, from ducks, chickens, goats, and one very large pig. </p>
<p>Yeri seems to be in all her glory as she fawns over the trip of goats approaching them from behind the wooden fence. “Come here little guys.” She clicks, making kissing noises, hoping maybe that would draw the animals to her.</p>
<p>Which seems to work because the entirety of the pen of animals flock to her as if she’s an animal whisper or something.</p>
<p>Jiwon watches with extreme caution, especially keeping an eye out on the birds, who seemingly appears to be watching her as well. “I don’t like how that chicken is looking at me. It’s like it’s sizing me or something.” She says, side-eyeing one of the Ameraucana hen that looks up at her exceptionally, no doubt for food. “You know birds would totally eat us if they were bigger, right?”</p>
<p>Her friends unintentionally ignore her, too busy fawning over the cute miniature black goat that’s letting Yeri pet it.</p>
<p>“God it’s like we have a connection or something. I swear I was a goat in my past life.” Yeri says, her eyes maintaining eye contact with the goat from behind the fence.</p>
<p>“It must know.” Seungeun adds, entirely serious.</p>
<p>“Do you know?” Yeri asks the goat, who in return just blinks.</p>
<p>“What makes you think you were a goat?” Yoohyeon asks, genuinely curious.</p>
<p>Yeri rolls her eyes as if the answer was clearly obvious and Yoohyeon was stupid for even asking. “First off I don’t think, <em> I know. </em>” Yeri starts off, causing Yoohyeon to scoff. “Secondly, goats literally can do whatever they want. They can eat whatever they want, jump off of things whenever they want, ram into whoever they want! They’re the sole embodiment of not giving a fuck. Look, it’s trying to eat my clothes and it’s pooping at the same time. Honestly iconic.” </p>
<p>“Okay but how does that relate to you?” Yoohyeon questions, still not understanding.</p>
<p>“How doesn’t it relate to me?” Yeri questions back.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon still doesn’t have the slightest clue as to what Yeri’s even talking about. Yeri notices this--she huffs irritated by her friend’s lack of understanding of something so simple. </p>
<p>“God it’s like I’m talking to my moms.” She face-palms before adding, “I know I was a goat because of how chaotic they are. Like, I seriously relate to them on a spiritual level, and I know that when I was reincarnated I took a part of my ghost goat soul with me. It’s like a reminder of a time where I once was carefree and wild. Answering to no one. There was no, <em> “Yeri stop eating your shoelaces.” </em> or <em>“You can’t headbutt your cousins just because you had an urge to.” </em> Yeri rambles on in what her friends assume to be is her best impression of Irene.</p>
<p>“She kinda sounds like Re-re doesn’t she?” Seungeun quietly asks Jiwon, who in return nods in agreement.</p>
<p>“The point is that there is no point. I just know I was a goat. Period.” Yeri finishes, leaving all the girls, but Seungeun, who seemed to understand everything, confused.</p>
<p>But neither Yoohyeon nor Jiwon planned to question Yeri any further. They didn’t want/need to hear anymore of her mindless ramblings. As much as they truly loved the girl--sometimes she was a bit <em> much. </em></p>
<p>Instead they focus all their attention back onto the cute farm critters. They stay like that for quite some time, admiring the attics that the animals seem to get into. Mostly the goats, who childishly play around with each other.</p>
<p>The sun has started to set in the background, coloring the clear sky in warm shades of orange, red, and a slight pinkish hue. </p>
<p>Jiwon fondly watches her friends, a soft smile spread across her lips. She knows that before long the day will be coming to a close and she’ll have to return home to where an empty presence stays not only in her heart, but the house also.</p>
<p>And she dreads it.</p>
<p>Dreads seeing her luxurious abode. A house that others wished for, <em> prayed for. </em> But Jiwon doesn’t notice the overpriced furniture, the beautiful pearl painted walls, and by every means, high society type of living. For when she looks in the house, searches the various of too many-little-needed-rooms. She sees empty spaces, despite each room being fully furnished to a perfect T. Because what she hopes to see is nowhere to be seen.</p>
<p>However, she still hopes that maybe, <em> just maybe </em>that when she turns one of the many corners in her home--she just might bump into Jessica.</p>
<p>But she never does. And that’s what kills her inside.</p>
<p>Truthfully it’s not the house that Jiwon dreads--that was her home and she was thankful for it. It’s the feeling of knowing what she’s walking into.</p>
<p>Which is nothing more than a quiet household, and even quieter dreams that perhaps one day her mom will be waiting there for her with open arms.</p>
<p>The smile on Jiwon’s face falls ever so slightly. She rubs her tongue against the roof of her mouth, scrubbing away the now bitter taste on her tongue. “We should head back now guys. It’s getting dark.” She says, making sure to hide the hurt in her voice.</p>
<p>“Hold on I gotta get this goat on Insta live.” Yeri replies, whipping out her phone to record the little black goat.</p>
<p>“Dude seriously?” Jiwon asks.</p>
<p>“Respect the craft.”</p>
<p>Jiwon rolls her eyes, switching from foot to another as she impatiently waits for Yeri to finish up. “Hurry up.” She whines.</p>
<p>“I gotta get the right angle!” Yeri says while crouching down on the grass, totally looking like an idiot to the strangers passing by. “Girl, this goat is being a total diva right now. You see how she’s refusing to be caught on cam?” </p>
<p>“So much for that connection.” Yoohyeon smugly quips from beside her.</p>
<p>Yeri sends a glare her way before starting up another recording only to have the goat run away from her. “HEY, where do you think you're going?!” She asks the goat, standing up before darting over to the other side of the fence, her camera still recording as she runs.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon and Seungeun follow her, laughing. </p>
<p>Jiwon huffs before slowly taking a few steps forward away from the gate, unaware of her other classmates sneaking up from behind her.</p>
<p>She most definitely can’t hear their footsteps in the grass because of Yeri screaming-</p>
<p>“GIVE ME YONCE POSES!!!! OOOOOO GIRL~” </p>
<p>“Guys come on.” Jiwon pleads meekly, but her friends can’t hear her over their own loud laughter.</p>
<p>Jiwon shakes her head, deciding she’ll have to go over there and retrieve them. But before she can take another step forward she hears a loud click of something. She has just enough time to look over her shoulders to see the gate to the corral come flying open before it hits her, knocking her to the ground in one swift motion.</p>
<p>She sees a flash of white light as her head hits the ground, letting out a groan as her body aches dully in pain.</p>
<p>Yeri, Yoohyeon, and Seungeun’s laughter dies the moment they see Jiwon lying on the ground.</p>
<p>“Shit, Megan!” Yeri swears before, bolting across the grass to get to her. Yoohyeon and Seungeun following hot on her trail.</p>
<p>Jiwon can hear, pass the ringing in her ears, her friends yelling at her along with the faint sounds of hoofs and feet kicking up the dirt from a few feet away. She manages to push the under half of her body off the ground, but it’s short-lived once a barrage of chickens skittishly collide into her.</p>
<p>She lets out a girlish horror movie scream as she frantically swats at the birds flapping around her face. Shortly after, her friends are by her side, trying to help her get up, but to their own horror they too are knocked off balance as the small stampede of farm animals run into them in an attempt to escape.</p>
<p>“WHAT THE FUCK! GET OFF ME YOU FILTHY ANIMALS.” Yeri yells while trying to shield Jiwon with half her body. </p>
<p>“I’M GETTING LION KING VIBES!” Seungeun screams before judo chopping a duck away from her face.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon rolls out of the way just in time before that huge pig could trample her. She rolls right into the side of Jiwon before throwing her arm protectively over her friend's body, holding her tight. </p>
<p>All the girls huddled together, helplessly waiting for this nightmare to end.</p>
<p>Just as fast as that incident had happened, it ended just as quickly. But the group of girls are too shaken up to even realize that it's over. Instead they remain holding each other, holding on so tightly that one of them unintentionally presses down on Yeri’s phone, causing the live stream to end.</p>
<p>Then suddenly, an all too family poisonous laugh pierces through the air.</p>
<p>The group of girls opens their eyes to see Doyeon and a few girls from the athletics team standing a few steps away from them, with their heads hanging back laughing at them.</p>
<p>(Rosé was nowhere in sight, despite being practically attached to Doyeon’s hip all day.)</p>
<p>It goes without saying that Jiwon doesn’t need an intuition to know that Doyeon was the one who had opened that gate.</p>
<p>Jiwon knows-<em>remembers </em> those eyes.</p>
<p>
  <em>You’ll regret this. </em>
</p>
<p>Jiwon and her friends ease off of each other, slowly gaining their bearings as Doyeon now looks at her own phone screen.</p>
<p>“Ya know what Yeri, I think for once in your life you might have accomplished something.” Doyeon pauses, tone all too condescending. She looks away from her phone before looking at the girls on the ground. “This little live is <em> sooo </em> going viral. Just think, you and your loser friends will be a meme for the rest of your pathetic lives!”</p>
<p>“Fuck you.” Yeri spits, full of hatred.</p>
<p>Doyeon mockingly pouts, a sickening hum vibrating from her throat before she chuckles dangerously. “You’d like that wouldn’t you, Powder Puff?” She questions, her eyes flicker sharply as she stares down Yeri.</p>
<p>“I’d rather eat Whoopi Goldberg's ass than to ever have to touch you.” Yeri rebuttals back.</p>
<p>Doyeon’s teeth clench together, hot anger rising in her chest. What was in the goddamn water today that was causing so much retaliation against her? She couldn’t stand it. </p>
<p>Jiwon feels scared, noticing just how Doyeon’s body trembles in anger. There are no adults around this time, and she is worried that at any moment Doyeon might lash out at them. She’s already proven that she’s capable of it.</p>
<p>But to Jiwon's surprise--and actually everyone’s. Doyeon lets out a hollow laugh, her shoulders relaxing as her body stills. Jiwon doesn’t know whether to feel relieved or to prepare for the worse.</p>
<p>She chooses the latter.</p>
<p>“I’m thinking of titling the viral video as, <em> “A spicy zoo moment that Harambe thinks about a lot.” </em> I think itta gain more traction that way. What do you girls think?” Doyeon asks, glancing over to the girls around her, who seem overly keen on pleasing her.</p>
<p>“Great idea!” The girls chime, boasting Doyeon's insufferable ego even more.</p>
<p>Their venomous laughter burns the inside of Jiwon’s ears. She closes her eyes hoping to stop her tears from falling out, but it proves to be futile. Hot tears coat the side of her cheeks while she sucks in her bottom lip, preventing a sob from escaping her throat.</p>
<p>“Aw, no. We made her cry.” One of the girls mocks, laughing even louder.</p>
<p><em> “Hey.” </em>Yoohyeon coos before wiping away some of the tears from Jiwon’s eyes with her thumb before pulling her close, bringing Jiwon’s head to rest under the crook of her chin. “Leave her alone.” She warns.</p>
<p>A series of, “O<em>ohs” </em>leaves from the bullies' mouths.</p>
<p>“What are you going to do? Hit us?” The other girl, by Doyeon's side, mocks.</p>
<p>Seungeun instantly stands up off the ground, her hands clenched tightly into fists by her stands. “She won’t. But I will.” She starts to take a step forward, but is stopped by Jiwon grabbing her by the wrist.</p>
<p>“Don’t.” Jiwon pleads, her voice cracking as she looks up at Seungeun with tear filled eyes.</p>
<p>For a brief moment Seungeun hotheadedness shifts into something softer, a look reserved only for her friends and her moms. “Why? Don’t protect them.” She softly replies, but the anger she feels is still evident from how she carries herself.</p>
<p>“I’m not protecting them. I’m protecting you. There’s too many you can’t fight them all.” Jiwon tries to talk some sense into her. Between Doyeon, her groupies, and the jocks now standing in the back, watching the scene unfold, there was no way Seungeun could take them on. Hell, even if Jiwon, Yoohyeon, and Yeri tag teamed alongside of her the odds of them winning were low.</p>
<p>But Seungeun is too headstrong for her own good. “I told you I got your back.” She tells Jiwon, staring deep into her friend’s kind eyes. Not once was she concerned about the danger. All she was worried about was defending Jiwon, even if that meant getting her ass handed to her.</p>
<p>More tears roll down Jiwon’s face as she takes Seungeun’s hand into her own. “And you do.” She squeezes her friend’s hand all while trying to smile.</p>
<p>But it looks so sad.</p>
<p>Seungeun’s heart breaks in a way that’s just not describable. Only seconds later does a single tear trail down from her eye to her cheek. She truly wanted to turn around and punch Doyeon square in the face, to really pour the cold to all of them like they so did in return to her and her friends.</p>
<p>But the longer she stares into Jiwon’s loving eyes, Jiwon the kindest soul she’s ever met, the girl who deserves nothing more than the happiness she freely gives others--the anger slowly fades from her body.</p>
<p>She squeezes Jiwon’s hand back before falling to her knees, face to face with her friend, choosing to be the bigger person--inspired to make that choice by the only person who could.</p>
<p>Jiwon let’s out a heart wrenching sob, unable to seal it away this time. She brushes a loose strand of hair out of Seungeun eyes, admiring how much courage her friend has.</p>
<p>Jiwon thinks how sometimes bravery isn’t always swinging and fighting, but instead choosing to be the bigger person.</p>
<p>No matter how hard that choice might be.</p>
<p>Yoohyeon and Yeri can’t hold back their own tears as they watch two of their closest friends cry in front of each other.</p>
<p>The group of friends huddle close together, crying in their own world, a special kind of sorrow wrongly gifted to them.</p>
<p>Doyeon slowly claps, causing the girls to break apart to look at her once again, despite them wishing to never have to see her face ever again </p>
<p>“Wow.” She breathes, smiling grotesquely. “For a minute there I actually felt sorry for you, Megan.” Doyeon pauses, only to look Jiwon straight in the eyes.</p>
<p>Jiwon immediately notices how Doyeon’s eyes dimmed, taking away the previous traces of amusement within them before her eyes turn black. They look so hollow, so <em> dead. </em></p>
<p>Jiwon quivers in fear, and her lips begin to tremble again. She’s always been afraid of how Doyeon so easily could flip a switch and change into someone else in a matter of seconds.</p>
<p>“Must be hard being a disgusting freak with years long worth of unresolved mommy issues, huh?” Doyeons says, emphasizing every word like some fucking psychotic teenage psychopath. </p>
<p>Jiwon feels every amount of air in her lungs get stolen from her. There was nothing she could have done--nothing could’ve prepared her for Doyeon’s ugly words.</p>
<p>
  <em>The ugly truth. </em>
</p>
<p>It rattles the empty space inside her heart, a painful reminder that, <em>yes</em>-that hole is still there. </p>
<p>“She didn’t even bother with coming today.” Doyeon wickedly pauses, “Though, she <em> never does </em>.”</p>
<p>Jiwon is painfully speechless. She feels like she’s on the verge of suffocating, the hard knot in her throat is making it incredibly difficult for her to breathe.</p>
<p>Had she been in a completely different predicament. She’d wonder how Doyeon even knew what she did. That girl always knew way too much for comfort.</p>
<p>A scary realization that when Doyeon said, "<em>I have dirt on everyone.” </em> way back in their freshman year, she spoke truthfully.</p>
<p>“That speaks volume though doesn’t it? She’s not busy with work is she, Megan?” Doyeon questions insidiously like a cat pushing glass off the counter.</p>
<p>Jiwon feels the push.</p>
<p><em>She is busy with work! I know because I have to live with it! </em>Jiwon argues back from inside her mind while her broken heart breaks all over again.</p>
<p>Despite having dirt on everyone Doyeon would never see, not even on a dare, Jiwon’s home life. She’d never know how Jessica stays at work like how a homebody stays at home. She’d never know that Jiwon used to stay up late at night hoping to hear her mom's car pull in so that she could sneak a peak at her through her bedroom window. She’d never count, nor ever imagine, all the time lost between Jiwon and her mom.</p>
<p>And even if Jiwon was to say all this. </p>
<p>Doyeon would never see it, never understand it. </p>
<p>For she was blinded by her lack of a conscience.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you just come out and say it?” Doyeon alludes.</p>
<p><em>No!</em> Jiwon wants to scream at the top of her lungs, but her mouth is unable to speak the word out loud. Instead she just rapidly shakes her head back and forth.</p>
<p>It just entices Doyeon more.</p>
<p>“Just admit that your mom is ashamed of you.” Doyeon lowly demands, no longer holding back.</p>
<p><em>She’s not-she isn’t. I’m her da-daughter.</em> Although Jiwon’s not speaking it out loud, she can’t help but to wonder just who she’s trying to convince.</p>
<p>Doyeon or<em> herself?</em></p>
<p>“Say it.” Doyeon laughs.</p>
<p>
  <em>No. no. no. </em>
</p>
<p>Jiwon’s refusal to speak was amusing for Doyeon at first but now it infuriates her. So she decides that all Jiwon needs is one last good <em> push.</em> “SAY IT!” Doyeon growls, taking a harsh step forward, causing Jiwon and her friends to skittishly crawl backwards.</p>
<p>“You’re a complete fucking sociopath.” Yeri breathes out, not fully believing how cruelly sick Doyeon could possibly be.</p>
<p>Doyeon lowly chuckles, resembling an evil villain from all those childish stories, too far fetched to be true. But yet there she is, proving that their inspiration comes from people like her.</p>
<p>“I’d rather be a sociopath than a pathetic-mommy seeking-loser.” She says, staring directly into Jiwon’s eyes with those same eyes of hers that now read,</p>
<p>
  <em>I told you that you’d regret it. </em>
</p>
<p>At that moment Jiwon does regret it.</p>
<p>Insomuch that she wishes that she had never even opened her mouth back on the bus.</p>
<p>In fact, she’d go even further.</p>
<p>She wished that today never happened.</p>
<p>And like some sick cruel joke, even sicker than everything Doyeon had just said to her--Jiwon’s mind recalls just exactly what she had wished for on her sixteen birthday party-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“I wish my mom here.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe she should stop wishing for things that won’t come true. Maybe then she won't be let down any longer.</p>
<p>Covered in dirt, along with her friends, she feels a new level of low. The kind that wakes from her chest and shallows her hole.</p>
<p>Jiwon can’t shake the feeling, it’s almost too fitting.</p>
<p>To be a so-called pathetic loser, covered in dirt.</p>
<p>“What in Jihyo’s green earth is going on out here!?” Yiyeon yells, suddenly stomping towards the crowd of teenagers, a single duck following behind her.</p>
<p>Doyeon’s demeanor instantly changes. “Oh my god. Thank god you’re here, Mrs. Kim. Some little kid opened the gate to the animals! They ran right into poor Megan and them!” She lies, faking concern. It makes the girls on the ground stomachs churn because of how easy it was for her to do so.</p>
<p>Before anyone can protest, not that anyone would. They all fear what might happen to them should they ever defile Doyeon. Tiffany comes barreling out the exit, gasping once she sees her daughter on the ground. <em> “Megan!” </em> She calls, incredibly alarmed.</p>
<p>Jiwon head darts over to the sound of her mother’s voice. <em> Mom... </em></p>
<p>Yiyeon is having a hard time thinking straight, seeing her own daughter on the ground caused her blood pressure to rise immensely. She wanted to run over and coddle her daughter, just like how Tiffany was now doing with Jiwon. But she couldn’t at the moment. Unfortunately she had to remain professional at times like this.</p>
<p>“Seungeun, honey. What are you doing on the ground?” Chungha suddenly appears by her daughter’s side, giggling--totally unaware of the seriousness behind the ongoing situation.</p>
<p>“Oh, ya know. Just vibing….” Seungeun awkwardly lies as her mom helps her and Yeri get up from off the ground.</p>
<p>“Sweetie, are you alright?” Tiffany asks, placing both of her hands on Jiwon’s cheeks, inspecting for any damage done to her.</p>
<p>(If only she could see the bruises that covered her daughter's heart.)</p>
<p>“I’m okay.” Jiwon lies in return.</p>
<p>Tiffany helps her daughter and Yoohyeon get off the ground. “Are you okay, Yoohyeon?” She asks, taking her eyes off of her daughter for one second to look at the other girl.</p>
<p>“I’m okay, Mrs. Jung” Yoohyeon replies, forcing a smile. </p>
<p>Yiyeon crosses her arms against her chest, jaw clenched as she stares down every single student present, besides her daughter and her friends. “Is what <em>Doyeon</em> said true? Did some child unlock the gate then proceed to open it, causing the animals to knock Ms. Jung, Ms. Kang, and Ms. Lee over?” She questions, her tone stern as her expression on her face remains stonewalled.</p>
<p>Without missing a beat all the students collectively nod their heads.</p>
<p>Yiyeon doesn’t even blink. She’s not entirely convinced.</p>
<p>She slightly turns her head around to look over at Jiwon. “Ms. Jung? Is this the case?” She asks, her eyes softening, but her tone remains stern.</p>
<p>Jiwon is caught off-guard. She tenses up before slightly parting her mouth as she stares timidly back at her principal, who is expecting her answer any second now.</p>
<p>But it’s stuck in the middle of Jiwon’s throat. She tries to swallow it down but it constricts itself tighter, she feels like she can hardly breathe.</p>
<p>“Ms. Jung?”</p>
<p>Jiwon’s mouth goes dry before she quickly looks away from Yiyeon, eyes shifting to Doyeon.</p>
<p>The H.B.I.C. is dawning her best, <em> “I’m so innocent!” </em> look, but Jiwon can see right through her facade by how her eyes stare her down, murderously.</p>
<p>Jiwon flinches when she feels a hand rest on the spot right between her shoulder blades. “Megan?” Her mom asks.</p>
<p>Jiwon looks at her before noticing two things right off the bat.</p>
<p>Firstly, the overwhelming amount of concern spread across Tiffany’s face, her is forehead is ceased in many worried wrinkles.</p>
<p>Secondly, the exhaustion hidden behind her eyes. The same exhaustion Jiwon just so happened to catch a glimpse of back on the bus. But this time it’s presence is much stronger, insomuch that it causes Jiwon's stomach to twist once again.</p>
<p>Then she knows.</p>
<p>She knows she’s not the only one who’s been let down today. She knows she’s not the only one wishing that things could be different.</p>
<p>She knows that she’s not the only one hoping that when she gets home, Jessica's loving arms will be there, wide open--waiting for her to rush into them.</p>
<p>The knot in Jiwon’s throat slides down, burning all the way down until it reaches her chest.</p>
<p>And there she hears it once again-</p>
<p>
  <em>She can never know what happened. </em>
</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Jiwon lies, telling the only good one.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Meanwhile Rosé watches from the crowd, secretly staring at Jiwon. She can’t help how her heart fumbles over itself when she looks at the girl she once loved.</p>
<p>She tells herself it's only because she's worried over what just happened. (The little incident she had missed because she was busy 's<em>aving'</em> Minji from Body Odor.)</p>
<p>She most definitely won't acknowledge/admit that her heart feels that way because she still is in love with Jiwon "Megan" Jung.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I can’t believe you took the bullet for that bitch.” Yeri says, still in disbelief over everything that had happened. </p>
<p>Jiwon remains quiet as she sits on one of the wooden benches, listening to the adults do roll calls for all the students. Yoohyeon and Seungeun sit beside her while Yeri paces back and forth in front of them.</p>
<p>“A huge part of me wishes that you would’ve let Seungeun kick their asses back there. But I’m glad you didn’t. Because when I tell my mom what happened she’ll sue the fuck outta Doyeon’s whole family. SHE'LL MURDER THEM IN COURT WITH HER BIG ASS COLOR COORDINATED BINDERS!”</p>
<p>“You can’t tell Irene.” Jiwon replies quickly, panic pumping through her veins.</p>
<p>Yeri stops dead in her tracks. “And why not? What Doyeon did was bullshit! She’s literally fucking insane, Megan.”</p>
<p>“I have to agree with Yeri on this one. You could’ve gotten seriously hurt, and Doyeon wouldn’t have cared. Honestly, it’s probably what she wanted.” Yoohyeon adds.</p>
<p>“I swear she better not post her copy of that live. If she does I'll leak her OnlyFans account on Twitter.” Yeri says, entirely serious, her attention taken off the matter at hand after remembering Doyeon’s words.</p>
<p>“Doyeon has a Onlyfans account?” Seungeun asks, resting her head on her hand.</p>
<p>“Yeah. She posts cringy-as-fuck girlfriend asmr videos and Yerba Maté hauls on there.”</p>
<p>Seungeun blinks before sitting up straighter. “Don’t you have to pay for a membership to see what content the user releases?” She asks, eyes narrowing into tiny slits.</p>
<p>“Don’t look at me like that! I was gaining Intel on the enemy! Besides that isn’t the point right now!” Yeri deflects, trying her best to act like Seungeun didn’t just catch her ass slipping.</p>
<p><em> “Guys.” </em>Jiwon breathes. </p>
<p>All her friends turn towards her before waiting for her to speak again. “Look, my mom can’t find out, alright? That’s why I don’t want you guys to say anything t<em>o anyone.</em>” Jiwon finishes, making sure to give a pointed look to each of the girls.</p>
<p>“Why can’t she know?” Yeri asks, confused.</p>
<p><em> “Because!” </em> Jiwon snaps, causing all the girls to flinch at the level of her tone. All them go quiet as they watch Jiwon bury her head in her hands. “Look, it’s been a shitty year, a even shittier day….My mom has a lot on her plate right now and I don’t want to add another thing on there.”</p>
<p>Her three friends share a look of concern, perhaps even pity but it goes unnoticed by Jiwon. Truthfully they had no idea how this could remain a secret, especially if that video does get uploaded.</p>
<p>However, they couldn’t find it within themselves to say no to their dearest friend.</p>
<p>Especially after today, not after everything she's been through.</p>
<p>“Okay, but dude, If Doyeon pulls something similar to that shit again. We have to tell Seungeun’s mom, or my mom, or someone. Okay?” Yeri attempts to compromise.</p>
<p>Jiwon looks back at her friends, her eyes tired now. </p>
<p>“I agree with Yeri, <em> again. </em>” Yoohyeon says.</p>
<p>“Same here.” Seungeun agrees.</p>
<p>“Okay.” Jiwon reluctantly agrees, seeing as it’s the only opinion she has.</p>
<p>By that time, the adults are just finishing up roll calls. Jiwon stretches her arms out in front of her, hissing softly because of how sore her muscles feel.</p>
<p>Yeri notices and quickly slides her backpack off her shoulder, unzipping it before rummaging around in there for the bottle of ibuprofen that Irene had put in there for her. She finds the bottle shortly after, popping the cap open to pour out two pills before resealing the cap on again.</p>
<p>She lightly taps on Jiwon’s shoulder with her knuckles to get the girl's attention. “Here. It’s ibuprofen.” She tells her before dropping the pills into Jiwon’s open palm.</p>
<p>“Thanks, dude.” Jiwon says before popping both pills in her mouth.</p>
<p>All her friends watch her with interest--seeing if she can manage to swallow the pills without any water. To their surprise/horror Jiwon chews down on the pills like they're candy or something. (Honestly she’s paranoid of swallowing pills whole. After nearly choking on an antibiotic pill years ago.) </p>
<p><em> “Oh god.” </em>Yoohyeon mutters, looking away.</p>
<p>Yeri watches, delightfully digested over her friend's actions. “You’re such a fucking savage. I love you.”   </p>
<p>Jiwon laughs, the power from the pills burning her tongue, but she doesn’t mind it.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It’s not to long after that when all the students begin to board their assigned buses, all expect for Seungeun, who is adamant about riding on Jiwon’s bus this time around. No one is in the mood to tell her otherwise. The only catch there was to it is that Seungeun had to sit next to Yiyeon. Which was fine by her. As long as she could keep an eye out on Doyeon she didn’t really care where she had to sit.</p>
<p>Jiwon is straying from behind her group, feeling utterly exhausted as she sluggishly steps up the stairs onto bus. Once inside she scans the row of seats for her friends. Seungeun is seated right up front with Yiyeon. While Yeri and Yoohyeon are already seated together in the same seat she had occupied on the way here.</p>
<p>They see her, and begin to wave her over. But Jiwon’s feet feel glued to the floor once she smells an all too familiar vanilla scented perfume. Her breath hitches in her throat as Rosé lightly bumps into her from behind. Rosé’s perfume catches on Jiwon’s tongue, the taste pleasantly burns her tastes buds.</p>
<p>Yeri and Yoohyeon watch, shocked, their eyes widening.</p>
<p>Jiwon’s expression perfectly matches theirs.</p>
<p><em> “MOVE!” </em>Yeri mouths, just seconds before Rosé lightly clears her throat.</p>
<p>Jiwon is practically jolted awake now. She quickly darts into the seat right behind the bus driver, hanging her head low, her hair concealing her face from Rosé’s view as she walks by, not even bothering to look her way.</p>
<p>Jiwon’s heart is beating a mile a minute, her hands shaking from the adrenaline coursing through her veins.</p>
<p>It scares her how much Rosé still has this hold on her even though they're no longer together.</p>
<p>By all means she shouldn't be as powerless as she is when it comes to her, as if Jiwon doesn't have a say in how she herself feels.</p>
<p>For years she has always latched on to Rosé, always seeking her admiration and affection. At one time Jiwon had it in bundles, with enough to last her for years. Now it's over, and Rosé is no longer apart of her life.</p>
<p>Jiwon should be able to prove to herself that she no longer needs her.</p>
<p>So why does she still want her approval? Why does she still want Rosé to be apart of her life?</p>
<p>
  <em>Why do I still love you?</em>
</p>
<p>Jiwon can hear one last set of footsteps enter the bus before the bus driver closes the doors. She feels all the adrenaline leave her body, replacing itself with exhaustion. She closes her eyes, leaning her head back on the plush seat as the bus’s lights dim, leaving the only source of light coming from the street lights outside and the countless stars, which shines brightly through the vehicle's many windows.</p>
<p>She’s nearly dozed off until she hears someone settling into the seat next to her.</p>
<p>She slowly opens her tired eyes to see Tiffany’s same exact ones staring into hers.</p>
<p><em> “Hey, baby.” </em> Her mom coos, scooting closer.</p>
<p>“Hey.” Jiwon replies, her voice laced with fatigue.</p>
<p>Afterwards silence over takes them. Jiwon is keen on not breaking it, far too tired to have the conversation she just knows that her mom wants to have.</p>
<p>Yiyeon stands up, moving to the front of the bus to do one final roll call.</p>
<p>Jiwon closes her eyes again, listening to Yiyeon list off names. Tiffany breathes softly, her hand reaching up to brush a few stray hairs out of her daughter’s face.</p>
<p>Jiwon relishes the touch, swallowing down the lump in her throat ever so slightly. </p>
<p>She can feel it coming. </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry about today.” Tiffany says, her voice filled with regret although none of this is her fault.</p>
<p>Jiwon hears the regret in her mom's tone, and she hates how it's Tiffany feeling this way.</p>
<p>She shouldn't be the mom that has to feel regret.</p>
<p>Not when Jessica still exists.</p>
<p>“It’s fine. Things happened.” Jiwon alludes before silently praying that’s the end to this conversion.</p>
<p>But that’d be too easy and nothing about today has been easy.</p>
<p>“Mom really wanted to come today but she got caught up with work.”</p>
<p>Jiwon’s eyes flicker open. She knew this was coming. But it didn’t hurt any less to hear it. Hence why she made sure to keep a reasonable distance between herself and Tiffany throughout the field trip. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy having her mom guide them around for the day--quite the opposite really. Honestly, she just didn’t want to have this talk with her mom.</p>
<p>The talk they always have whenever Jessica fails to show up.</p>
<p>“I figured you knew. But I wanted to talk to you abou-”</p>
<p>“It’s fine, mom. I’m not bothered by it.” Jiwon lies, which Tiffany can clearly tell. But before she can call her daughter out on it, Jiwon inhales loudly. “Can we please not talk about this? I’m really tired right now.” She pleads, not only with her words, but also her eyes-</p>
<p><em>"Please, no more." </em>They plead.</p>
<p>It tears Tiffany apart. “Okay.” She whispers, her voice to weak to speak in a stronger tone, as her eyes  start to dim from their usual happy light.</p>
<p>This was not how today was suppose to go. Her wife was suppose to be here today, sitting on the bus with the both of them--finally spending some time together as a family.</p>
<p>Why did that seem like so much to ask for?</p>
<p>Tiffany would've never imagine today being the day where her daughter seemed all but of given up on that happening. However, she never imagined there be a day where her daughter would have to resort to hoping that maybe one day there'd be a chance where Jessica could provide just that.</p>
<p>Her daughter by all means was well provided for. Being the daughter of two successful women gave her that boost. Nevertheless, pass all the material things they could provide for her, at a drop of a hat, Jiwon was still unhappy.</p>
<p>And that was enough to slowly kill Tiffany on the inside.</p>
<p>
  <em>Where did we go wrong, Jessi?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>No-</em>
</p>
<p><em>When did you stop trying?</em> </p>
<p>Jiwon can see the gears turning inside her mom's head through her eyes, and she never wants to know the quiet desperation that has Tiffany slowly, but slightly leaning away from her. “I’m sorry, mom.” Jiwon apologizes before closing her eyes once more, leaning into her mother’s side.</p>
<p>Tiffany almost cries, moved by just how amazingly selfless her daughter is. She thinks about how Jiwon shouldn’t be the one apologizing as she pulls her daughter closer, bringing her head to rest on her shoulder while she comfortingly strokes her hair.</p>
<p>"I hope you know that your mom does love you though." Is words unsaid that Tiffany wanted to say, despite everything she still feels the need to defend Jessica. Because deep down in her heart she knows that her wife means well, but she'd be lying to herself if she said Jiwon didn't deserve better from her.</p>
<p>But those are just words without meaning to Jiwon at this point.</p>
<p>Subconsciously, Tiffany knows that. Hence why those words will be left unspoken--unheard.</p>
<p>The vehicle's engine starts up before the bus drives out of the zoo’s parking lot.</p>
<p>"Helpless Hoping" by Crosby, Stills &amp; Nash begins to play on the bus's radio the second the bus driver switches it on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Helplessly hoping her harlequin hovers nearby,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Awaiting a word.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Gasping at glimpses of gentle true spirit, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He runs, wishing he could fly, high</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Only to trip at the sound of goodbye.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The students inside are all quiet, most having fallen asleep by the time the bus reached the main road.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“Wordlessly watching he waits by the window and wonders, at the</em> <em>empty</em><em> place inside.</em></p>
<p>
  <em> Heartlessly helping himself to her bad dreams he worries, did he hear a goodbye, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Or even, hello.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tiffany looks over to see Yiyeon watching some Youtube video that Seungeun was showing her. The two women share a look before their attention shifts back onto their respective daughters.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> "They are one person, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> They are two alone, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> They are three together, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> They are for each other." </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jiwon had fallen asleep on Tiffany's shoulder. Without disturbing her daughter’s sleep, Tiffany presses a soft kiss on top of her daughter's head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Stand by the stairway you’ll see something certain to tell you,  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Confusion has its cost.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tiffany holds Jiwon close as she looks out the bus’s window, there in the night's sky she sees a big star glistening.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“Love isn’t</em> <em>lying, it's</em><em> loose</em><em> in a lady who lingers, saying she is lost. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> And choking on hello.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She closes her eyes before wishing that today had gone differently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “They are one person, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> They are two alone, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> They are three together, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> They are for each other.” </em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The ride back to school seemed longer than what it had been when they left the first time around, but the car ride back to the Jung’s residential was painfully longer.</p>
<p>Neither Tiffany, nor Jiwon said anything the whole trip back. It was uncomfortably quiet the whole ride there. Even Jiwon didn’t feel like turning on the radio to fill in the gaps of silence. (Which normally would be considered as taboo among them<em>. </em>Listening to music was their shared interest, and always their way of bonding more with each other.)</p>
<p>Tiffany doesn’t even bother parking the car into the garage, instead she parks right outside it. Jiwon shuffles around, unbuckling her seat belt before exiting the vehicle. Tiffany follows suit. She trails back from behind Jiwon, making sure to give her daughter some space as the two make their way to the front door.</p>
<p>Neither of the two make a comment regarding how none of the lights aren't on in the house, but both of their thoughts are the same. Nonetheless, Tiffany unlocks the house door before moving aside to let her daughter in first.</p>
<p>Jiwon flips on the light switch beside the door, lighting up the massive living room. Everything looks pristine as it always did. </p>
<p>The same pearly painted walls greeted her.</p>
<p>And a quiet empty room.</p>
<p>Jiwon stares at the room, her mind a million miles away. She can smell the cinnamon incense that Tiffany had burned this morning, and she can faintly hear the crystals bush together on the chandelier from over ahead.</p>
<p>She wasn’t surprised in the slightest, but that didn't stop her from feeling as if her heart was ripped out of her chest, and throw to the floor, shattered in pieces at her feet.</p>
<p>Tiffany closes the door behind her, sighing as she locks it, eyes closed. “She must still be stuck at work.” She breathes, despite it being apparent. She turns around, expecting to see her daughter, but she’s greeted with an empty spot.</p>
<p>"Megan!” Tiffany calls while speed walking, rounding the corner of the massive entryway before she sees her daughter rushing up the stairs. “Megan!!!” She calls again, more desperate this time, but she doesn’t get any response back.</p>
<p>She’s nearly halfway up the huge wooden Antebellum staircase by the time Jiwon slams her door shut, rattling the pictures on the hallway wall outside her room.</p>
<p>Once Tiffany reaches the top of the stairs, and before she can check on her daughter--her phone rings.</p>
<p>She sighs loudly, fishing out her phone from her pocket. Her heart drops a little once she sees who's calling her.</p>
<p>
  <b>👑💎💙 Jessi 💙💎👑</b>
</p>
<p>She lets the phone ring for a few seconds before answering the call with a heavy heart.</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p><em> “Hi, baby.” </em>Jessica replies, sounding tired.</p>
<p>There’s a pause, as Tiffany switches her phone to her other hand, bringing it up to her ear. “Are you on your way home?” She asks indifferently, despite her heart beating a mile a minute, her concern for her daughter still plagues her thoughts.</p>
<p><em> “That’s actually why I called. I would’ve been home sooner but the car won’t start up. I think the battery's dead.” </em>Jessica informs. Tiffany can then hear how frustrated her wife sounds as she shuffles around on the other end of the phone. Even though what Jessica told her explains why she wasn't home, it doesn't help relieve some of Tiffany's stress. If anything it causes her worry more.</p>
<p>How long had Jessica been stranded at work?</p>
<p>“Did you call for roadside assistance?” Tiffany asks, now feeling concerned.</p>
<p>
  <em> “I did. But they’re not able to do anything until tomorrow morning. And I tried calling your mother, hoping that she could come cable jump me. But she didn't answer her phone.” </em>
</p>
<p>“She had her B.I.L.F. meeting tonight. That’s probably why she isn’t picking up.”</p>
<p>There's a pregnant pause. </p>
<p>Tiffany checks her phone to see if Jessica is still on the line.</p>
<p>She is. </p>
<p><em>“Wha-what’s a bilf?” </em>Jessica asks, entirely scared. She knew just how eccentric her mother-in-law could be. But this would be crossing over into new territory if bilf is what Jessica thinks it is. </p>
<p>Tiffany sighs heavily. “Bigfoots I’d like to find.”</p>
<p><em> “Oh...” </em> Jessica's voice dies, totally flabbergasted. </p>
<p>“Do you need me to come and get you?” Tiffany asks, breaking the small silence between them.</p>
<p>
  <em> “If you can. I’d rather not have to call an Uber.” </em>
</p>
<p>“Okay. I’ll be there in a few.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay. I’ll see you shortly. Bye, babe.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Bye.” Tiffany is the first to hang up. Her grip on her phone is tight as she runs her other shaky hand through her long blonde hair, inhaling deeply through her mouth before looking over to her daughter's door.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p><b> <em>Yeri Kang</em> </b> <em> added </em> <b> <em> Megan Jung</em> </b> <em> to: </em> <b> <em>SIMPletons</em> </b></p>
<p><b> <em>Yeri Kang</em> </b> <em> added </em> <b> <em>Seungeun Kim</em> </b> <em> to the group </em></p>
<p><b> <em>Yeri Kang</em> </b> <em> added </em> <b> <em>Yoohyeon Lee</em> </b><em>to the group. </em></p>
<p><b> <em>Yeri Kang </em></b><em>set their nickname to </em> <b> <em>Yeribih</em> </b></p>
<p><b> <em>Yeribih </em> </b> <em> set </em> <b> <em>Megan Jung</em> </b> <em> nickname to </em> <b> <em>Meganladon</em> </b></p>
<p><b> <em>Yeribih </em> </b> <em> set </em> <b> <em> Seungeun Kim</em> </b> <em> nickname to </em> <b> <em>Shimseun</em> </b></p>
<p><b><em>Yeribih </em></b><em>set </em><b><em>Yoohyeon</em></b> <b><em>Lee</em></b><em> nickname to </em><b><em>Forehead</em></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Yeribih: </b>Ladies. Forehead.</p>
<p><b>Meganladon:</b> What’s going on?</p>
<p><b>Forehead:</b> Wtf, Yeri?</p>
<p><b>Yeribih:</b> Shut up big head</p>
<p><b>Forehead:</b> Change my name. NOW!</p>
<p><b>Yeribih:</b> pass</p>
<p><b>Meganladon</b> set <b>Forehead</b> nickname to <b>Yoohshire Terrier</b></p>
<p><b>Yoohshire Terrier: </b>Thanks, Megan!</p>
<p><b>Meganladon: </b>Np! :D</p>
<p><b>Yeribih:</b> u really gonna do me like that? 😡 I see where your loyalties lie </p>
<p><b>Shimseun:</b> New gc?</p>
<p><b>Yeribih: </b>Yup</p>
<p><b>Shimseun:</b> k 👑💅</p>
<p><b>Yoohshire Terrier:</b> What’s wrong with the old one?</p>
<p><b>Yeribih:</b> its bland asf shit’s been unseasoned ever since rose left 😒💯</p>
<p>Jiwon’s heart skips a beat once she reads Rosé’s name, in the same way it always did whenever she was involved. </p>
<p>But the feeling shifts into this dull pain in her heart once she remembers how Rosé indeed did leave their shared group chat. It didn’t take her long to do so after the breakup between them.</p>
<p><b>Yoohshire Terrier: </b>YERI!</p>
<p><b>Yeribih: </b>what? its fucking true 🙃</p>
<p><b>Shimseun:</b> She’s right. That chat’s been dead for a bit now.</p>
<p>Seungeun, nor Yeri is wrong--Jiwon knows this. She supposes that after Rosé left their shared chat it became sort of tainted. Those old messages between all of them held a different feeling, and none of the girls liked how it made them feel.</p>
<p>So it was ideal for them to avoid it, and to pretend that there wasn’t years worth of history in there.</p>
<p>(Secretly, Jiwon and her friends liked to go back and reread some of the messages, trying to relive a time where things felt simpler, and when their only worries were what they were going to do the next time they'd all hang out. Truthfully they all miss Rosé but no one was brave enough to admit it.)</p>
<p><b>Yoohshire Terrier:</b> That doesn’t matter. You can’t just say stuff like that.</p>
<p><b>Meganladon:</b> It’s okay, Yoo. They ain’t wrong. </p>
<p><b>Yeribih: </b>sorry megan I wasn’t trying to upset you</p>
<p><b>Meganladon: </b>It’s fine. You didn’t.</p>
<p><b>Shimseun:</b> Not to keep bringing up shit no one wants to hear about…...BUT did you guys see Doyeon posted that video under youtube?</p>
<p><b>Yeribih: 👁👄👁</b> DIrD SHheE FUCbKIN RErALYYY?!?!?!</p>
<p><b>Shimseun:</b> Okay first off, watch ur fucking typos that shit was cringy asf to read. But, yeah, she did.</p>
<p><b>Yeribih: </b>what a fucking bitch thats okay tho imma blast the link to her OF now 🤡🎉🤡</p>
<p><b>Yoohshire Terrier: </b>How many people have viewed the video?</p>
<p><b>Shimseun: </b>A couple of thousands. Shit keeps racking up views every time I check though.</p>
<p>Jiwon’s heart drops to her stomach immediately after reading Seungeun’s message. </p>
<p>That couldn’t possibly be true.</p>
<p>In denial, Jiwon closes the chat. She quickly brings up Youtube on her phone before tapping away the dreaded title, each letter she presses unnerves her greatly.</p>
<p>Until finally she sees it.</p>
<p>Jiwon involuntarily gasps but it comes out soundless.</p>
<p><b>A spicy zoo moment that Harambe thinks about a lot</b> <b>(Uploaded by i.o.i.girl)</b></p>
<p>All the air in Jiwon’s lungs feels as if it’s knocked right out of her.</p>
<p>Never in her life has she felt this quiet desperation so powerful before, it doesn't even compare to when she felt it back on the bus, in regards to her mom. The feeling is so powerful that it has her praying to whoever is listening.</p>
<p><em> Please, please. Don’t be real. Don’t be real. </em>She prays before clicking on the video.</p>
<p>Whoever was in charge of hearing her prayers that day must’ve had the day off. Because the video is entirely too real. Insomuch, Jiwon feels as if she’s reliving the event as she watches, powerless to do anything.</p>
<p>Her phone pings, messages from the group chat appear at the top of her screen.</p>
<p><b>Shimseun:</b> U still there, Megan?</p>
<p><b>Yoohshire Terrier</b>: Megan? Are you okay?</p>
<p><b>Yeribih: </b>dude talk to us</p>
<p>But she doesn’t read them, not even after the video ends.</p>
<p>All the strength in Jiwon’s body feels drained in one swift moment, her knees threatening to buckle out from under her. But when she hears the door to her room slowly creak open she forces her joints to hold her dead weight as she turns around towards the door.</p>
<p>“Hey.” Her mom softly greets her.</p>
<p>Jiwon shallows down a lump of saliva. “Hey...” She replies, weak.</p>
<p>Tiffany’s brows furrow together as she steps inside the room. “Are you okay, baby?” She asks, forcing herself not to panic. Her motherly intuition knows that something is wrong.</p>
<p>“Yeah I’m fine.” Jiwon lies, her tone stronger this time along with the guilt that strikes at her heart, caused by lying to her mother.</p>
<p>She hates how it’s becoming a common occurrence, especially today.</p>
<p>Regardless, she hopes that her mom doesn’t see pass them, especially now.</p>
<p>Tiffany stares at her daughter she knows she’s being lied to. She can feel it in her gut, and see it in her daughter’s eyes. Something’s hidden there, buried deep below the surface, someplace that only Jiwon herself can reach.</p>
<p>It scares Tiffany.</p>
<p>She wonders just what she would uncover if she peeled back the layers, strip by strip.</p>
<p>Dirt, by dirt.</p>
<p>She’s not even digging but yet her hands feel dirty.</p>
<p><em>How much have I’ve let go? How much have I covered? </em> She thinks to herself, her heart coiling up tightly in her chest.</p>
<p>
  <em>We’ve both responsible for her, Jessica.  </em>
</p>
<p>With an extremely heavy heart, Tiffany decides it’s best to not push her daughter for an explanation--she’s been through enough today. “Ok. I have to go pick up mom. Her car isn’t running. I’ll be back real soon. So until then keep the doors locked. And if you need anything don’t hesitate to call mom or I. Okay?” </p>
<p>Tiffany doesn’t say what she really wants to, that being, <em> “I promise I’ll fix this.” </em>Instead she leaves it unsaid. Because it goes without saying she will do whatever it takes to see her family whole again. </p>
<p>“Ok.”</p>
<p>Tiffany spares one last long look at her daughter, hoping that maybe Jiwon might give a inkling as to how she feels at the moment, but she doesn’t.</p>
<p>To much like her-<em>no</em></p>
<p>
  <em>To much like Jessica.</em>
</p>
<p>Tiffany closes the door, praying that maybe another one might just open tonight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jiwon stands immobile, waiting until she hears her mom’s car pull out of the driveway before she allows herself to completely breakdown.</p>
<p>Hot tears stream down her face but the feeling of them is numb on her cool skin.</p>
<p>There’s over a million thoughts running through her head.</p>
<p>She thinks about Yeri comforting her on the bus along with Yoohyeon, and how great of friends they are to her.</p>
<p>She thinks about the zoo. How the little penguins looked so cute jumping off those rocks.</p>
<p>She then thinks about the incident, Doyeon’s fiery eyes and sick words.</p>
<p>She thinks about how Seungeun chose to be the bigger person, and how hard that must have been for her.</p>
<p>She thinks about everyone’s laughter, imagines just how many people are laughing at her from behind a screen over that video. </p>
<p>She thinks about Tiffany, who’s utterly exhausted all the time.</p>
<p>She then thinks, only briefly--like a flash, about Jessica before forcing her thoughts to think of something else. Because her mom isn’t deserving of a spot in her mind after today.</p>
<p>Then finally, Jiwon thinks of Rosé, who was her first everything.</p>
<p>Her first friend, her first best friend.</p>
<p>Her first crush, her first kiss, her first love, her first time.</p>
<p><em>Her first heartbreak. </em> </p>
<p>There is an unexplained pull that has Jiwon opening her photo gallery, pulling up hundreds of photos of Rosé and herself. </p>
<p>She scrolls through them all, lifelessly looking at each photo, some of them were just Rosé by herself, (Selfies Rosé had sent her when they were dating.) while others were group photos of Jiwon, Rosé, Yoohyeon, Yeri, and Seungeun all together. Occasionally threw into the mix of photos were pictures of Rosé and Jiwon together, looking so happy it almost seemed surreal.</p>
<p>Once Jiwon reaches the end of the photos she goes back to the very beginning before deleting each photo, one by one.</p>
<p>It had to be done.</p>
<p>She had to let her go.</p>
<p>Rosé was over her, and she wouldn’t be coming back.</p>
<p>And Jiwon knew she needed to let go, despite her heart holding onto <em>her</em> for dear life.</p>
<p>It would fight her some days. (All the time.) Her heart foolishly believed that Rosé just needed some time away. That perhaps her hanging out with Doyeon was a way to feel liberated, and that once she finally saw the error in Doyeon’s ways she’d come running back to the Simpleton crew.</p>
<p>Because Rosé really was a good person.</p>
<p>But Jiwon’s mind, the arguably most sensible part of her, was filled with doubt--maybe even the truth of things?</p>
<p>Because once again, Rosé had dumped all of them in a matter of seconds before hanging out with someone who’d later torment the living hell out of her ex-friends and ex-girlfriend. </p>
<p>Surely any other person in Rosé’s shoes would see the wrong in all that?</p>
<p><em>She doesn’t give a fuck about you or anyone else. </em> Jiwon would think to herself on days where she felt bitter about how things played out.</p>
<p>Now all she can think is that Rosé must be so ashamed to have dated a loser like her.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Pathetic. Mommy seeking. Loser."</em>
</p>
<p>She throws her phone away from her, disgusted by it. </p>
<p>The phone lands on her bed with a soft thud. Jiwon screams violently afterwards, her cries echoing throughout the empty hallways of the house.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A family of birds is woken up from the nest outside her bedroom window, their heads turn to the sound of Jiwon’s cries.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Inside the house, Jiwon falls to her knees finally losing her last bit of strength. Her head falls sorrowfully to the floor, her forehead crashes against the soft white carpet, her tears dampen it’s fabric seconds later.</p>
<p>She claws at the carpet, clinging onto what pieces of fabric she can into fists. She holds on so tightly as if the carpet was the only thing keeping her here in this curse reality.</p>
<p>Meanwhile her phone buzzes madly from across the room, on top of her bed.</p>
<p>Swarms of texts from her friends flood her phone. But Jiwon by no means is able to pull herself together. She cries her heart out on the floor, her sobs are so loud that they overpower the buzzing from her phone.</p>
<p>“What did I do to deserve this?” She cries, asking only herself. (But the question isn’t limited to just Rosé.)</p>
<p>She repeats the question over and over in her mind like a broken record until it becomes too much to bear.</p>
<p>It pisses her off.</p>
<p>It’s scary how quickly this deep seeded rage sprouts from her chest, nourished by her sadness.</p>
<p>She rises off the floor, her anger rising with her.</p>
<p>Jiwon stands still for a brief moment, allowing herself to be tainted by this feeling before scanning her room, looking for something to hit or even break.</p>
<p>Then she finds it.</p>
<p>An object that’s screaming to be a part of her purging.</p>
<p>One last photo of her and Rosé--in the form of a Polaroid picture.</p>
<p>(The picture had been taken at Jiwon’s sixteenth birthday party. The photographer had been Yoohyeon.)</p>
<p>In the photo Jiwon is sitting in front of her birthday cake, smiling a priceless smile as the light from the candles illuminates her face, from the otherwise dark kitchen. Right behind Jiwon stands Rosé with her arms wrapped lovingly around her girlfriend’s neck as she kisses her cheek, looking genuinely in love.</p>
<p>Jiwon wastes no time stomping over to the photo. Within seconds she’s there ripping it off the wall and holding it in her shaky hands.</p>
<p>She stares at the photo, eyes void of any emotion except rage. She wants to burn this image inside her head, burn it in a way that it hurts her to think about it.</p>
<p>A painful reminder it’d be.</p>
<p>For Rosé had always been something akin to fire.</p>
<p>Jiwon would say she craved warmth the other girl gave off, and that wouldn’t be a lie. But a part of her had to know it was just a matter of time before she’d get burnt.</p>
<p>Jiwon lets out this yell-no-<em>cry </em>before ripping the photo in half. She tries to rip it up more into tiny pieces to match how Rosé had made her feel. But she psychically can’t. She cries harder, tears quickly flowing down her face as she tries, and tries to tear the photo, falling to her knees once more.</p>
<p>There isn’t any anger left in her as she holds the now two separate halves in each hand.</p>
<p>She stares at Rosé’s loving image, her heart breaking all over again.</p>
<p><em> “What did I do to make you hate me?” </em> Jiwon asks, her tone a broken whisper.</p>
<p>Her vision blurs as more tears swell up in her eyes. “We used to be best friends.” she pauses, “A-and now…” Her voice cracks, she can’t even finish. Instead she reconnects the photo--regretting with every fiber of her being that she even ruined it in the first place.</p>
<p>She brings the photo to her heart, clinging onto it with dear life before sinking to the floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The family of birds outside huddled close together, embracing each other warmth before falling asleep peacefully.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Miyeon is just finishing up the last puzzle on her crossword. A sense of pride welling up in her chest as she writes down the eleven character word, filling in the little square boxes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Desideratum    </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She smiles smugly, smoothing out the wrinkles in the paper before looking at her finished work.</p>
<p>“Thought you’d get the best of me, huh?” Miyeon questions the paper, her expression awfully cocky for someone who does crossword puzzles for fun. “Well ya though-” Her sentence dies on the tip of her tongue as her roommate comes barreling in through her bedroom door.</p>
<p>“Miyeon!” The woman calls, her short black hair bouncing across her shoulders, she looks rather frantic. (Which was so not like her.)</p>
<p>Miyeon would have been worried had it not been from the other girl's expression shifting into a look Miyeon knew all too well.</p>
<p>“Were you talking to the crosswords again?” Her roommate questions, not even trying to make an effort to hide her judgement.</p>
<p>“No, Soyeon!!!” Miyeon lies, screaming way too girly for Soyeon’s liking.</p>
<p>Soyeon gives the other woman her famous, <em> “Sure Jan.” </em> look.</p>
<p>Miyeon pouts, making sure to look extra <em> angry </em> this time around. “What do you want?” She snips.</p>
<p>Soyeon's face instantly drops, she switches her weight from one foot to the another, awkwardly. “Um, Megan’s outside. She’s asking for you. I think she’s crying. I’m not for sure though. I didn’t stick around long enough to find out.”</p>
<p>“What?” Miyeon's mouth drops open as she scrambles to get out of her bed. “So you just left her outside instead of inviting her in?” She questions harshly before brushing past Soyeon.</p>
<p>“I panicked! You know how I feel about kids and their feelings!!” Soyeon argues weakly, watching as Miyeon walks into the hallway, rolling her eyes.</p>
<p>*** </p>
<p>Outside, Jiwon wonders if she had made the right decision by coming over here,</p>
<p>Even Soyeon who was always nice to her even though it was hella awkward for her sometimes-(Mostly just when Miyeon forced them to watch “The sound of music” with her over, and over again. Jiwon literally can recite the entire script within the span of five minutes. It’s a gifted….A cursed gift, but nonetheless, a gift!)--seemed totally taken back by Jiwon knocking on her door at twenty minutes past ten o’clock.</p>
<p>However, Soyeon didn't make a comment regarding the time. Truthfully she was more concerned as to why her favorite Uno rival was at her door so late at night anyways.</p>
<p>Instead she tried her best to be a fellow, <em> “Friendly neighbor!” </em>making sure to greet the girl with pleasantries. Luckily, she didn’t have to endure the persona for too long. Jiwon was quick to ask for Miyeon right after their awkward exchange of formalities.</p>
<p>Soyeon awkwardly obliged to go fetch her, hence leaving Jiwon where she is now.</p>
<p>The cool night’s breeze wisps past Jiwon, sending a shiver down her spine as she waits, awkwardly for Miyeon on the woman’s front porch steps.</p>
<p>The teenager can’t help but to think how ridiculous this idea is. Finally some sense knocking into her after recklessly following her impulses.</p>
<p>But even then she can’t find it within herself to go back home.</p>
<p>It’s the sole reason why she’s here now. </p>
<p>She had to get out of that house.</p>
<p>Jiwon can hear the front door opening. She looks over her shoulder to see Miyeon, in her pink silk pajamas stepping outside before closing the door behind her. Jiwon has never been so relieved to see her, despite the circumstances.</p>
<p>“Hey, what are you doing out here so late at night?” Miyeon asks, clearly concerned as she hesitantly hovers over Jiwon, who remains unmoving.</p>
<p>Upon a closer look Miyeon can see how red the girl’s eyes are. She even notices the dried tear streaks on the teenager’s face. <em> “Hey.” </em> She coos, resting a comforting hand on Jiwon’s shoulder before joining her on the porch step.</p>
<p><em> So she has been crying. </em> Miyeon thinks to herself, hating that this was now a proven fact.</p>
<p>Jiwon wipes under her nose with the sleeve of her shirt, sniffling quietly. “I’m okay.” She falsely reassures, the term easily becoming a mandatory lie at this point.</p>
<p>Miyeon sees right through it, and she’s the only person so far that doesn’t willingly let it slip past her. “No you're not.” She replies bluntly, causing Jiwon to flinch.</p>
<p><em> You’re right I’m not. </em>Jiwon doesn’t utter those words out loud, too afraid of what might follow should she acknowledge it verbally.</p>
<p>Instead she doesn’t reply right away. A lengthy amount of silence follows, giving them enough time to process everything they’re feeling at once.</p>
<p>Miyeon patiently watches as the teenager stare off into the distance, her eyes look more distant than the stars that shine brightly above her.</p>
<p>Miyeon can’t help but to wonder just exactly what happened to the girl to cause her to look so dejected.</p>
<p>Truthfully it hurts her to think about it.</p>
<p>Jiwon was one of the sweetest people that has blessed her life, and she is forever thankful to the universe for gifting Jiwon to her.</p>
<p>So whatever has happened, she knows that Jiwon most definitely wasn’t deserving of it.</p>
<p>
  <em> But most good people never do deserve the bad things that happen to them. </em>
</p>
<p>All Miyeon can do is be there for her, like she is now and hope that whatever it is--hopefully is small in comparison to the bigger problems that she thinks could be eating at the girl. </p>
<p>Miyeon can hear the faint sound of Jiwon swallowing, it sounds almost strained as if it was painful for the girl to do so.</p>
<p>She waits with bated breath as the teenager opens her mouth to finally speak, “Today has been one of the worst days of my life.” Jiwon utters quietly, causing Miyeon to scoot closer.</p>
<p>Miyeon can see the truth in the teenagers eyes. The pain that’s present there is undeniable. But she says nothing, yet. She waits for the girl to elaborate more, hoping she would.</p>
<p>She does.</p>
<p>“And that’s not even the real kicker.” Jiwon continues, laughing humorlessly.</p>
<p>Miyeon has never heard her laugh sound hollow before, until now. Usually Jiwon’s laugh was the loudest, most funniest sound. The kind of laugh that makes others want to laugh.</p>
<p>It wasn’t right to hear it any other way.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what’s worse. Feeling like a total loser….Or learning that I am one.” Jiwon says, choking on her words. Her throat burns, sore from how much she’s cried today.</p>
<p>Miyeon is instantly taken back by her words, she looks as if she’s just been slapped right across the face. “You’re not a loser, Megan. How could you even think that?” She asks, in total disbelief.</p>
<p>“Because.” Jiwon cries, a single tear rolling down her cheek. “You don’t know how many people think of me as one.” She admits painfully.</p>
<p>Miyeon feels a different kind of sadness run through her, although she’s still not fully comprehending it, that and what Jiwon just said to her. Because how could anyone in their right mind think of Jiwon as a loser? </p>
<p>It’s unfathomable to her.</p>
<p>So when she asks, “Who thinks that?” she’s merely asking for Jiwon’s sake.</p>
<p>“Everybody, Miyeon!” Jiwon pauses, looking the older woman in the eyes now. “They always have. But I didn’t realize it until today. After everything that’s happened.” Jiwon admits, looking back away before harshly wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Miyeon asks.</p>
<p>“Fucking Doyeon happened and her gang of try hards.” Jiwon chokes out, angry this time.</p>
<p>“Doyeon? Is she someone you go to school with?” Miyeon carefully asks, not wanting to upset the girl further. But she hadn't heard the name of this girl until now. </p>
<p>“Yeah.” Jiwon pauses, scoffing. “She let out all these farm animals at the zoo. They ran right into me and my friends. And to make matters worse, she uploaded a video of it all onto Youtube.”</p>
<p>“Wow. That’s-” Miyeon doesn’t know what to say.</p>
<p>Jiwon whips her head back around towards the woman, her whole face contorted in anger. “Who does shit like that?” She questions, helplessly needing an answer as to why people were so cruel.</p>
<p>Miyeon scoots impossibly closer to the girl, silently debating just how to answer that.</p>
<p>However, she knew in situations like this there never was a right answer.</p>
<p>Jiwon sniffles, “Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t so afraid of confrontation. If I wasn’t I’d try to kick her ass.”</p>
<p>Miyeon listens, and she understands. But she’s learned that in life an eye for an eye does in fact turn the whole world blind. “No. You wouldn’t want that.” She says, shaking her head.</p>
<p>“And why not? Maybe I’m tired of being walked all over.”</p>
<p>Miyeon softly shakes her head again before pulling the girl close, Jiwon doesn’t object. “I’m sure you are.” Miyeon admits. Jiwon doesn’t bother with trying to keep herself composed. She silently begins to cry while in her friend’s warm embrace.</p>
<p>“But sometimes in life it rains on the just as it does the unjust.” Miyeon omens, wrapping her arms tighter around the crying teenager.</p>
<p>Jiwon sobs. She wants to say, <em> “But it’s not fair.” </em> But she thinks about how maybe Miyeon is right. </p>
<p>Because truly, why should just one party have to go through life without hardships just because they’re a good person?</p>
<p>Maybe it’s the greatest deal in fairness.</p>
<p>For no matter who a person is--life doesn’t go on without the punches.</p>
<p>Jiwon wonders how someone like Miyeon, who by all means is still young, is years ahead of her time. And she thinks about how one of the reasons she’s over here in the first place, was to talk to Miyeon, to hear the woman’s fresh perspective, and to have a shoulder to cry on.</p>
<p>But she'd would be taking people for granted if she said she had no one else.</p>
<p>Jiwon loved her mom, and she knew Tiffany was dying to know what she was going through. But she would never let her know. It would tear her mom completely apart if she ever found out.</p>
<p>Then there was her grandmother whom she could call up at any time. But she most definitely wouldn’t. Hyemi would quite literally burn down all of 4Colors academy should she ever learn that her granddaughter was getting bullied. And Jiwon wasn’t about to see her grandmother through prison bars for the rest of her life.</p>
<p>And of course, there were her friends, who literally were blowing up her phone so much that Jiwon had to turn it off. She knew that she could confide in them, and that they would listen without fail. But Jiwon felt as if she was burdening them. She didn’t want this to look as if it only happened to her. Because they too also experienced the same bullying.</p>
<p>So in hindsight, Miyeon was the only one she truly could pour her heart out to without worrying about the aftermath.</p>
<p>“You sound so old.” The teenager laughs, despite crying still.</p>
<p>Miyeon chuckles. “You say it like it’s a bad thing.”</p>
<p>Jiwon laughs again, her tears subsiding. “It’s not.”</p>
<p>A peaceful silence washes over them. The two listen as cars drive by, content with just being in each other's presence. They only break their silence one they hear Soyeon singing some song from one of her animes.</p>
<p>Both of them share a look before laughing wholeheartedly.</p>
<p>At that moment Jiwon forgets about the series of unfortunate events that transpired today. </p>
<p>She doesn’t think about Doyeon or that stupid video. </p>
<p>She doesn’t think about Rosé and their failed-<em>no </em> complicated relationship.</p>
<p>And lastly, she doesn’t think about Jessica and the promises that she never keeps.</p>
<p>After their laughter dies down, Miyeon takes the opportunity to let the girl know just how much she cherishes her and their uncommon friendship. “I want you to know that I don’t think of you as a loser, Megan. You’re a lot better than you know.” Miyeon pauses, in which Jiwon eases out of her embrace, looking into Miyeon’s eyes which show so much sincerity.</p>
<p>”You’re funny, a bit crazier than I’d thought you’d be. But I suppose you take that after Hyemi.” Miyeon laughs, Jiwon does too. (Miyeon had the-<em>pleasure? </em> Of meeting Hyemi way before she’d be temporarily admitted into Weki Meki’s. Needless to say she only had seen a snippet of the old woman's colorful personality. She wouldn’t realize just how crazy Hyemi was until a few months later. But that’s a story for another time.) </p>
<p>“But most of all. You have the biggest heart that I've ever seen. You’d give the clothes off your back if someone else needed them. You're always putting others before yourself, and I respect you so much for that. But most of all. You’ve stayed true to yourself, despite everything you've endured. You're one of the strongest people I know. And I'm so glad that I was able to meet you, and have you in my life as a friend. I love you, Megan. I truly do.”</p>
<p>Tears swell up again in Jiwon’s eyes but this time for a different reason.</p>
<p>“And know this, even though you feel like throwing in the towel sometimes. Don’t, and know that people like Doyeon and her friends will someday have every bad thing they’ve ever done come back to them. It’s the universal law. So let them be miserable, and unhappy. That's the only reason why they pick on you, ya know? You'll always be a lot better than them, so stay true to yourself, and let karma work out the rest.” Miyeon finishes, and Jiwon doesn’t waste any time in wrapping her into a tight bear hug.</p>
<p>Miyeon lets out an audible, <em>“Oof” </em>before returning the gesture.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Jiwon whispers into the crook of her neck.</p>
<p>Miyeon chuckles warmly.</p>
<p>The two stay like that until the front door opens up.</p>
<p>Miyeon and Jiwon break apart, looking at Soyeon, who stands awkwardly in the door frame with a huge bowl of buttery popcorn in her hands.</p>
<p>“You guys want to watch Naruto, or sumthin’?” She asks, grinning sheepishly.</p>
<p>Miyeon rises to her feet before offering her hand to Jiwon. “Come on.” She says with a nod of her head.</p>
<p>Jiwon takes her hand, allowing Miyeon to help her up.</p>
<p>Soyeon moves aside to let the two in, ecstatic that she’ll be able to see the look on their faces once Rock Lee drops his weights before fighting Gaara. (That was her all time favorite moment in the series, and she wasn’t up for debates about it being the best scene in anime history. BECAUSE IT IS! Soyeon has rights! And she would totally use them if she had to!)</p>
<p>Meanwhile Jiwon thinks that maybe she was wrong. This hadn’t been a ridiculous idea after all.</p>
<p> In fact, the time spent on Miyeon’s front porch was enough to turn a bad day right around.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p><b><em>At tomorrow's meeting we'll discuss the finances over the costs of the summer pop up sales. I texted Jonathan to cancel all my other meetings for tomorrow. Because God knows that meeting will be an all day thing. I can’t forget that I have to go over that fitting for Betty White again. She’s ordering a mass haul in a few weeks, and I swear to god if we don’t get her sizes to the exact T….It will be another Wendy Williams situation, and I don't have the patience to play PR again.</em> </b> Jessica thinks to herself while making sure to write her thoughts down in a memo under her phone.</p>
<p>Once she finishes she takes a sip of her coffee--she had made it back in her office before finishing up with work. She instantly makes a face, disappointed by how cold her beverage was now.</p>
<p>Jessica huffs, removing the lid from her cup before pouring out the drink down onto the concrete of the underground parking garage.</p>
<p>Seconds after, she hears a car pull into the garage. She glances over her shoulder, and sees her wife’s Audi A9-(The one Jessica just so happened to buy as a gift for Tiffany's 40th birthday.)--turn in the entrance of the garage she's standing at.</p>
<p>Jessica smiles once she sees Tiffany’s face through the car’s windshield as her wife parks the car directly next to her.</p>
<p>Jessica had missed her wife so much today, and what a sight for sore eyes Tiffany was.</p>
<p>Jessica coolly opens the car door before settling inside. “Hi, baby.” She greets her wife while buckling her own seat belt. “How was your day?” She follows up, unaware of just how poorly received her question would be.</p>
<p>“Could’ve been better.” Tiffany snips, not bothering to look over at her wife. She didn't plan on starting a <em>"fight"</em> right away, but when she saw her wife's face--saw how carefree Jessica looked as if she had completely forgotten about her promise, that she broke, something flares inside Tiffany's chest. </p>
<p>Jessica, who isn't an idiot by any means, realizes this. She carefully reevaluates the situation, reading her wife's demeanor towards her. It didn’t take her too long to figure out that Tiffany was upset. Years of being together helped give Jessica all the clues she needed, plus it wasn’t like her wife was hiding it at this point.</p>
<p>Jessica sighs, disappointed. “You’re still mad.” She says, not needing to ask.</p>
<p>Tiffany, by that point, has already left out of the parking garage, now the car drives along the main road. The lights from the streetlamps illuminates the inside of the car, and Jessica can now clearly see how frustrated her wife is.</p>
<p>“Did you think that by sending food it would make up for everything today?” Tiffany bites.</p>
<p>The air between them is suddenly taut with tension. Jessica was caught off-guard, fumbling to find her usually strong voice. “No...I was just trying to do something nice for you.” She says honestly and somewhat hurt.</p>
<p>There’s a pause, before Tiffany sighs, her eyes look tired as she focuses on the road. “What about Megan?” She asks, finally getting to the root of things.</p>
<p>The root that’s rotted to the core, causing their once beautiful family tree to wither away.</p>
<p>Jessica blinks once. “What about her?” She asks, confused. Her daughter had taken the lunch Tiffany packed for her. So why was she even being brought up?</p>
<p>Tiffany scoffs, looking over to her wife for the first time since she's been in the car. “Unbelievable.” She says, her face riddled with heartbreaking disappointment. </p>
<p>And truly it was. Tiffany had almost second guessed herself after hearing Jessica’s words.</p>
<p>Their daughter wasn't that easily forgettable, was she?</p>
<p>But Jessica was always there--always quick to chase away any of Tiffany's lingering doubts. Even if it caused more damage than good.</p>
<p>Jessica’s shoulders tense up. “Am I missing something here?”</p>
<p>Tiffany's eyes widened, her wife must have hit her head or something because there was no way she would have forgotten. “Are you being serious, Jessica?” She asks, her tone steely as she looks at her wife with narrowed eyes.</p>
<p>Jessica blinks, her wife hasn’t used her full first name in so long. “I don’t kno-” Is all Jessica can say, it’s the last straw that breaks the camel's back.</p>
<p>The last straw that breaks Tiffany's <em>heart.</em></p>
<p>The weight on her heavy heart, all the burdens and guilt, finally too much for her to bear.  </p>
<p>“Of course not. You never do!” Tiffany interrupts, her knuckles tightening around the steering wheel in a manner that has Jessica sinking into herself.</p>
<p>Jessica’s mouth hangs slightly open, she couldn’t believe the words that left her wife’s mouth. Tiffany had never spoken to her in such a way before--she had never even yelled at her before now.</p>
<p>“You promise Megan you’d be there today. You lied to her.” Tiffany’s words slap Jessica right across the face, forcing her to acknowledge what she’s, not so clearly, avoiding.</p>
<p>And with that, whatever peace that was left in the car, vanishes.</p>
<p>Jessica’s voice is shaky as she speaks, “I told you I was sorry. What did you want me to do? Just walk out of my meeting?” she asks, tired. She really doesn’t want to fight with her wife, but Tiffany is giving her no other option.</p>
<p>Tiffany shakes her head. “It’s not just about today. You do this to her all the time. You promise her things, only to not follow through with them.” She says, not showing any signs of backing down.</p>
<p>The designer runs a hand through her hair, exhaling. "I don't know what you want from me here." she admits, maybe asks, Tiffany isn’t quite sure, but either way it’s not the response she wanted to hear.</p>
<p>“THIS ISN'T ABOUT WHAT I WANT!” Tiffany suddenly shouts, causing Jessica to flinch.</p>
<p><em>This is about Megan, our daughter, our greatest joy in life.</em> Tiffany finds herself thinking, and as much as she wants to scream those words--that <em>truth</em>, from the inside of the car, she can't. Because she feels way too tired, too weak, to utter her thoughts a loud.</p>
<p>And even if she had the strength in her to say so, it should go without saying.</p>
<p>Jessica should know that, she should know better--<em>be better.</em> </p>
<p>“Fany...” Jessica replies calmly, reaching her hand over to place it on Tiffany’s shoulder. She hates when they fight, which is rare to begin with, and she wants nothing more than to end this before it gets worse.</p>
<p>Even the sheer thought of upsetting her wife--her <em>best friend</em>, pains Jessica's entire-being to no end. So when Tiffany quickly shrugs her hand off, in a manner as if Jessica’s touch burned her, Jessica feels her first ever heartache with Tiffany.</p>
<p>Tiffany was/is her world, the biggest shining light in her life, that otherwise is dark.</p>
<p>And now that Jessica seemingly extinguished some of that light--<em>Tiffany's</em><em> light, s</em>he doesn't know what to do.</p>
<p>(Oh, if only she knew, the solution isn't so far from home.)</p>
<p><em> “Don’t.” </em> Tiffany growls in a harsh whisper. Jessica sinks even further into herself.</p>
<p>There's a long gap of silence afterwards. Jessica is currently thinking up ways to make this up to Tiffany somehow, while Tiffany on the other hand wonders if she’s just wasting her breath trying to talk some sense into her wife.</p>
<p>She’s almost opts to let it all go, but she’s done that for far too long.</p>
<p>Sad tears, maybe even angry, it’s hard to tell within the dark, swell up in Tiffany’s eyes, and she thinks to herself, <em>You want to make this about me? You want to know what I want from you? How I feel after years of letting things go? I'll tell you then.</em></p>
<p>“I feel like all I do is let you walk all over me.” She breathes out in a whisper, although her tone is weak, it's somehow still pierces through Jessica's harden heart like the sharpest of arrows.</p>
<p>Jessica is god-smack, looking over to her wife, who is adamant about not looking her way again. Jessica thought the first blow to her heart was the worst, but when she sees the tears now freely flowing from her wife's eyes, the second attack on her heart almost kills her.</p>
<p>“I let you do whatever you <em>want</em>, and I always say <em>yes</em> to you. I even try to cover for you when it comes to <em>our daughter. I</em> take Megan to school <em>everyday</em>,<em> I</em> pack her <em>lunches,</em> <em>I take care of her</em> when she isn’t feeling well….Even when <em>I</em> don't feel good, <em>I</em> do what I have to do.” Tiffany explains, feeling so, so tired. Insomuch she decides to pull the car over to the side of the road, making sure to keep her and Jessica safe, despite everything that's happening.</p>
<p>Jessica is dead quiet, silently watching her wife cry into her own hands, peeling a new layer of hurt back from Jessica's icy skin.</p>
<p>“I never ask for anything in return.” Tiffany admits, holding her sobs back to finally spare her wife a soft broken look.</p>
<p>Jessica’s world spins off its axis, her chest falls in defeat as her gaze lowers to the floor. She knows Tiffany is telling the truth, and she knows--she has no one to blame but herself.</p>
<p>“All I expect from you is for you to try to be there for Megan, even if it’s just a little. That’s all I want, Jessi. But every time you let us both down, like it’s easy.” Tiffany cries, looking away from her because it hurts her so much to look at her wife.</p>
<p>Jessica's eyes shoot upwards, looking at Tiffany with her own sad brown eyes. “Baby.” She says, voice thick with unshed tears. “I’m try-” She cuts herself off, tears now slipping down her face, one at a time. </p>
<p>Jessica shakes her head, she truly isn’t sure if she can even say she’s trying. Hell, she’s barely comforting her wife right now.</p>
<p>And honestly, that just won’t do.</p>
<p>Jessica unbuckles her seat belt before climbing halfway across the console, trapping Tiffany with both of her arms, which are placed on either side of her wife's head. It’s uncomfortable for Jessica to be angled in such a way, but nevertheless she persists.</p>
<p>Tiffany’s gaze drops to the floorboard of the car, tears still freely flowing from her eyes.</p>
<p><em> “I’m so sorry.” </em>Jessica whispers, in which Tiffany looks up, locking their eyes together. “I can’t even speak for myself because you’re right.” Jessica says, voice faltering.</p>
<p>“I never wanted to disappoint you or Megan.” Jessica pauses, an endless amount of tears streaming down her face, dropping down on Tiffany’s lap below. “I know you go through a lot, and I appreciate all you do. I’m not trying to undermine you when I say this, but work is so demanding. My dreams, my hopes all come at a cost.”</p>
<p>Tiffany’s eyes flicker sadly. “Are they worth more than your family?” She has to ask, voice catching. </p>
<p>Jessica’s face drops even further. “Don’t, do that.“ She pleads, losing all of her strength as she sinks back into her own seat. “Why do I feel like you’re punishing me for doing all I know? Work is all I know, Tiffany.” She admits, feeling like the smallest person in the world, despite being one the the richest/biggest at the top.</p>
<p>Tiffany presses the back of her hand to her eyes, wiping away her tears, while Jessica does the same to her own eyes. “It doesn’t have to be that way. You can change it.” Tiffany says almost desperately, as if she was pleading for a change.</p>
<p>Truthfully, she was. </p>
<p>“How do you know that? How do I know that?” Jessica asks, in a manner as if it’s the most scarce thing in the world. The concept of changing from all she knows, is foreign to her, if not scary.</p>
<p><em>Work is all she knows</em>--She's <em>never</em> been <em>able</em> to live her life any other way.</p>
<p>Tiffany reaches over, intertwining her hand with her wife’s, a wistful smile spreads tightly across her lips. “Because you’ve already done the hard thing.” She pauses, giving Jessica's hand a soft squeeze before asking, “Remember how scared you were about your mom finding out about us, when we very first started dating?” she rubs soothing circles on the top Jessica’s hand afterwards. </p>
<p>Jessica nods, watching as Tiffany begins to play with her fingers.</p>
<p>“We kept it hidden for <em> so long. </em> Until you finally told her yourself.”</p>
<p>Jessica's eyes meet Tiffany’s. She understands what her wife’s conveying before she even says it.</p>
<p>“You loved me so much. That you were willing to do something that seemed impossible.” Tiffany says, smiling fondly now, causing tears to slip past her lips, coating her tongue. She releases her wife’s hand, only to cup Jessica’s face in both of her palms.”It’s never too late to try.”</p>
<p>Jessica stares into her wife’s loving eyes, while her own heartbeat echoes throughout the car.</p>
<p>She knows that Tiffany is right. Love has never been easy, nor are it’s actions always known.</p>
<p>Jessica loves their daughter, she always has. And although Jiwon is known to her. Jessica can’t help but to feel as if there is a massive crater keeping them apart. It's like she can see her daughter on the other side, but no matter how much she wants to try and get to her--to cross that crater that's keeping them apart, she’s scared she'll fall into that hole before she can even think about reaching the other side.</p>
<p>Jessica thinks about Jonathan, Betty White, all of her pop up sales, those damn financial quotas. It’s all that fills her head, but ever so slightly, so does all the times she’s ever let her daughter down. Each time, slipping past the cracks of the wall Jessica had built around herself. </p>
<p>Like today, or last week, or, most notably, Jiwon’s sixteen birthday party.</p>
<p>Or even everyday since Jiwon’s been in high school.</p>
<p><b> <em>Financial quotas! Don’t forget about those Financial quotas. Quotas, quotas, QUOTAS!</em> </b> It’s all Jessica can hear.</p>
<p><em>It’s all she knows</em>.</p>
<p>If love is about doing the hard thing, then Jessica supposes it’s best if she never promises her daughter anything ever again.</p>
<p>At least then she can’t disappoint her anymore.</p>
<p>“Okay, i’ll try.” Jessica lies, masking her face with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.</p>
<p>It's nothing new for her, recklessly does she lie in order to keep the peace--to not change from all she knows.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It’s late by the time the two women get home. Having fought the first half of the way home, then stopping to make up in the car. (Literally they spent at least half an hour just hugging each other before Jessica opted to drive them back home.) It was enough time spent that the night quickly slipped into the later hours.</p>
<p>It’s a little past twelve when the two enter the household.</p>
<p>Jessica inhales deeply through her nose, delighted that her favorite scent of cinnamon greets her. Tiffany walks up behind her, placing a quick kiss to her temple before heading to the kitchen, leaving her wife to go do what she said she’d do back in the car.</p>
<p>Which is checking on Jiwon.</p>
<p>It’s the first small step in Tiffany’s plans to bring her two favorite people back together again, just like how it used to be.</p>
<p>(Oh but if only she knew how many steps Jessica would have to take before Jiwon would ever allow her heart to open itself up to Jessica again.)</p>
<p>Jessica’s stomach does somersaults as she trails up the stairway, each step leading closer to Jiwon’s room, but yet it feels so far away.</p>
<p>She almost feels like she’s in some kind of trace, her body moving lightly, despite the weight of her guilt threatening to slow her down.</p>
<p><b><em>Am I a terrible mother?</em></b> Jessica asks herself once at the doorway of her daughter’s room.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>Maybe not, but you're a liar.</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Her thoughts wickedly betray her.</p>
<p>But Jessica, like with most things, pays them no mind as she slowly opens the door to her daughter room. She’s greeted with darkness, only the light coming from the hallway slips into the room, lighting it up enough for her to see Jiwon sound asleep in her bed.</p>
<p>Jessica’s gaze stays on her daughter as she tiptoes in her room, leaving the door cracked open.</p>
<p>She feels as if she’s trespassing, this heady feeling of, <em>You don’t belong here, </em>overthrows her otherwise icy attitude towards the things that make her feel uneasy in her skin.</p>
<p>She glances around in the dark room, keeping herself distracted. She can barely make out the game posters on her daughter’s wall, the various knick-knacks scattered around the shelving that Jiwon’s Xbox sits on, and lastly the one single glow-up star left up on Jiwon’s ceiling.</p>
<p>The realization of just how much Jiwon’s room has changed since she was a little girl doesn’t slip past Jessica.</p>
<p>Instead it leaves her feeling some type of way. Because she swore the last time she was in here, Jiwon had practically everything in hot pink, and the room’s theme was definitely horses. (Lowkey Jiwon was a horse girl, but she wasn’t like other horse girls. At least that’s what she’d tell people.)</p>
<p>Jessica wonders just how long it’s been. Time hadn’t passed by that fast, did it?</p>
<p>Once Jessica reaches Jiwon’s bed, the side that Jiwon’s back is facing, she crouches down, resting all her weight on her knees as she silently watches the way her daughter’s body moves each time she inhales and exhales.</p>
<p>She looks so peaceful, despite the chaos she’s endured today. (Tiffany had gone over the day’s events in the car, filling Jessica in.)</p>
<p><em> “I’m sorry.” </em> Jessica whispers, fighting the urge to choke on her remorse.</p>
<p>The crater that Jessica feels is wedged in between them only grows in size once she thinks about how much she’s missed.</p>
<p>All the time she’ll never get back, nor ever make up for. It’s enough to make her sick.</p>
<p>“You probably hate me.” Jessica says, quieter then her whisper from before, as if that was possible. “I’d understand if you do.” She admits, her throat feeling like it’s seizing up on her.</p>
<p>“But you have to understand this is hard for me…” Jessica pauses, she wants to retract her statement, hating the way it makes her feel.</p>
<p>Weak.</p>
<p>Maybe that’s why she continues, too powerless to stop herself. “If I keep being a disappointment, how will I know whenever I get it right?” She asks, waiting for an answer although Jiwon remains fast asleep.</p>
<p>Within the gap of silence, sneaks a memory from inside Jessica’s mind, one she had locked away in the furthest corner, hoping it’s presence remained there forever-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Tiffany, and I are getting married, mom.” A bright, hopeful young Jessica Jung had said, smiling, despite the evident disinterest on her mother’s face. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Her mother sighs, it’s that same sigh she always uttered whenever Jessica even so much as entered a room she was occupying. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Jessica stares expectantly at her mother, waiting for her reply. Time passes slowly--painfully, and as each second passes, Jessica's smile falls lower, and lower. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> She’s actually frowning by the time her mother finally speaks, saying with another heavy sigh, “I don’t know what you want me to say.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Jessica’s heart coils itself up from inside her chest, her shoulders fall along with whatever spread of hope she had left. However, foolishly does she ask, “Say you’ll come to the wedding?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>In which her mother constantly shakes her head back and forth, in a manner as if Jessica was forcing her to take cough medicine, which was sadly fitting because her mother just couldn’t swallow this whole “marriage” concept. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “I can’t do that.” She replies, shattering her daughter’s heart in pieces. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Tears swell up inside Jessica's timid brown eyes. “Can you at least think about it?” She doesn’t even know why she’s asking. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “No, Jessica. Look, I've pandered to you and your ideas for far too long. First, I let you go to that goddamn school for fashion because you swore that after graduation you’d land a job. But that turned out to be a lie! I told you it was a dead end dream to have, but yet I let you have it!” Her mother yells, pausing only to take a puff from her cigarette. </em>
</p>
<p><em> The action allows enough time for Jessica to feel completely worse about herself before her </em> <em>mother starts up again, angrily flanneling her hands around the air before yelling, “Then of course, that’s when “she” came into your life. I didn’t approve of your relationship then, and I sure as hell don’t now. But I kept my mouth shut because I thought you’d realize one day how stupid you are!”</em></p>
<p>
  <em> Jessica swears that for a moment her soul had left her body. Because her mother had just killed all the life left in her, in a matter of seconds. Hot tears freely stream down her face, she fumbles for words, her tongue trapped at the roof of her mouth. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> When Jessica's mother sees her daughter cry, it does nothing but infuriate her further, “Don’t even start with the goddamn water works.” She warns, taking another puff of her cigarette. “If anyone should be crying it should be me. You’re nothing but a disappointmen-” </em>
</p>
<p>Jessica screams inside her head, forcing the memory to come to an end.</p>
<p>Back in the real world, Jiwon is still asleep as Jessica tries to compose herself.</p>
<p>She looks at her daughter, seeing clearly once again. <em> “I’m so sorry.” </em> She breathes, a single tear trailing down from her eye, she wipes it away before standing up, deciding that it would best to leave now.  </p>
<p>Jessica kisses the side of Jiwon’s head before smoothing out Jiwon’s long blonde hair. The fashion extraordinaire eases away from her daughter’s bed before lingering at the door. She stares at her daughter’s peaceful sleeping figure, and wonders what she might is dreaming about, before she softly closes the door behind her.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Jessica soundlessly drifts into the kitchen, where loud excessive heavy metal music is playing from Tiffany’s Alexa.</p>
<p>Jessica chuckles fondly, as she creeps up behind her wife, who is currently scrubbing away at dishes, despite having a three thousand dollar dish-washing machine right next to her.</p>
<p>“Rage against the machine, again?” Jessica asks, wrapping her arms around her wife’s waist.</p>
<p>Tiffany slightly flinches, startled by her wife. But she quickly eases into Jessica's warm embrace once Jessica kisses the side of her temple. “It helps me concentrate.” She replies, referring to the music and not the cleverly inserted joke her wife had made. (Years ago, Tiffany had gone on a dish-wishing strike, refusing to use the, <em>“Practically brand new” </em>dishwasher<em>, </em>as Jessica so gladly referred to it as. In truth, that-t<em>hing</em> was no more than a steaming piece of trash. Even Hyemi had gone on strike with her, despite it being completely unnecessary. Especially considering that all her mother did was barge through the Jung’s house, breaking her own dirty dishes on the floor before screaming nonsense about, “Women’s rights'” and how proper working dishwashers are key to overthrowing the patriarchy.)  </p>
<p>“Was Megan sleeping?” Tiffany asks, guessing that their daughter was asleep at this time of night. (She wasn’t aware that Jiwon more often than not stayed up, much later than the average person just to play video games.)</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Jessica replies, resting her chin on Tiffany’s shoulder, watching her wife idly scrub at a plate.</p>
<p>Tiffany hums a response, basking in her wife’s affection, and Jessica's newfound will to try to make up for lost time with their daughter.</p>
<p>The two remain like that until Alexa shuffles the next song, which is, "Poison &amp; Wine" by The Civil Wars.</p>
<p>The soft strum of a guitar, and the light tune of the piano echoes through the kitchen, bouncing off the walls, before filling both the women with this surreal feeling of love at it’s finest. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “You only know what I want you to.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dance with me?” Jessica suddenly asks, in which Tiffany turns in her arms, smiling shyly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “I know everything you don't want me to.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really?” She asks, her eyes shining playfully.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jessica nods before taking Tiffany’s hand into hers, leading her wife to the middle of the kitchen. Tiffany’s heart flutters in her chest as she closes the small gap between them, resting her head on her wife’s chest as Jessica sways them to the music.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“You think your dreams are the same as mine.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know I’ve apologized to you already, but I’m sorry once again.” Jessica says, fully sincere.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Oh I don't love you but I always will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Oh I don't love you but I always will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Oh I don't love you but I always will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I always will.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tiffany can hear her wife’s soft heartbeat, the sound soothes her. “It’s okay. I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” She can immediately feel Jessica shake her head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I kind of deserved it. I haven’t exactly been the best wife.”</p>
<p><em><strong>Or the best mother. </strong></em>Her thought goes unsaid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tiffany slightly eases back, a playful smile on her face. “Could’ve fooled me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “The less I give the more I get back.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jessica softly laughs, before dipping Tiffany downwards, causing her wife to enter a giggling fit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jessica lifts her back up, giggling as well, feeling like a school girl in love. There’s a pause between the two women as they silently stare into each other's warm brown eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Without a shadow of a doubt, they both knew that they had found their soulmate in each other. The love that they held for one another was so indescribable, so unexplainable. The type of love that when asked, <em> ”How’d you know she was the one for you?” </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their reply had always been, <em>“I just knew.”  </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love you.” Tiffany is the first one to say the words, they had both been thinking, out loud.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jessica smiles, the same smile that made Tiffany fall in love with her, all those years ago. "I love you too.” She replies, before pressing a gentle kiss onto her wife's awaiting lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Oh I don't love you but I always will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Oh I don't love you but I always will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Oh I don't love you but I always will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Oh I don't love you but I always will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Oh I don't love you but I always will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Oh I don't love you but I always will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Oh I don't love you but I always will.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Within the quietness that somehow existences with the loud music and even louder heartbeats of the two women, something flickers inside Jessica's soul. "It may not seem like it, but I worry all the time." She breathes out in a sad whisper, in which Tiffany eases back from her, just enough so that she can look Jessica in her eyes.</p>
<p>She notices how Jessica hesitates, and all Tiffany can see isn't so much Jessica Jung, adored fashion extraordinaire, but the same young timid girl she met all those years ago at some house party in one of the smallest apartments that New York city had to offer.</p>
<p>Before Tiffany can even utter a single word, Jessica speaks again, "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm scared that one day I'll wake up, or that I'll come home... and I'll see that you pass me by, and realize <em>I've missed it all.</em>"</p>
<p>Jessica's heart feels lodged in her throat, and although the moment between them is shinning with love and admiration, she can't shake the feeling of dark clouds rolling towards her in the long distance.</p>
<p>She can almost hear the thunder.</p>
<p>But Tiffany's beautiful ray of light--<em>of hope</em>, outshines the darkest of skies, chases away the most terrifying thunder.</p>
<p>"I'm not going anywhere." She says, in the softest of tones, resting her forehead against her wife's own.</p>
<p>Jessica laughs, it's almost a sob, but she steels herself, closing her eyes to conceal her tears behind her heavy eyelids.</p>
<p>"I promise, you're entirely stuck with me!" Tiffany chimes, and when Jessica opens her eyes she sees her wife's breathtaking smile.</p>
<p>And then, she feels this feeling settle within her heart-</p>
<p>That everything will be okay. </p>
<p>Tiffany pulls her closer this time, and Jessica finally cries out relief, happiness, <em>hell</em>, maybe even exhaustion. But that's okay.</p>
<p>As long as she has Tiffany to forever hold her like this, to chase away her fears, and light up the darkest of days, Jessica will never need or want anything else.</p>
<p>They stay like that, holding onto each other as if it’s the last time, laughing through their tears as their hearts feel overflowed with love. While the song playing in background starts coming to a end.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“I always will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I always will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I always will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I always will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I always will.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Tiffany and Jessica finally sleep that night, Tiffany dreams of anti-vaxxers, her wife’s kisses, and her daughter who finally gets to rush into Jessica's loving arms while Tiffany herself pulls them all close, wrapping them in her love--finally together, like how they should be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jessica on the other hand, dreams of cold coffee, Tiffany’s perfect smile, and business numbers on end. </p>
<p>Not once does Jessica dream of her daughter, who is only a few doors down--<em>dreaming of her.</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*Yeri's voice* "I like girls generation." </p>
<p>Okay so this may or may not have been entirely self indulgence to write! Opps? I hope you guys liked it. Because I really enjoyed writing this one.</p>
<p>P.s. I lowkey wanna write Yiyeon and Chungha's date to Ponderosa. I'm highkey going to. So expect that chapter in the future my friends. As always, thank y'all for reading and enjoying my humble works. Until next time, be safe and happy everyone!!! xoxoxo</p></blockquote></div></div>
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